Reconciliation | Divorced Parents Club

It always hurts when your ex takes very little time to move on into a new relationship. We like to tell ourselves that it isn't serious and will never last, we still find ourselves asking "will my ex's rebound last"? As a general rule, an ex’s rebound will not last. Rebounds tend to have upwards of a 60% failure rate. And failure is almost assured if the relationship is started only a short time after the end of the previous relationship. But there are times when a rebound can not only last, but thrive. When evaluating their new fling, you should look for several clear signs that it won’t last, including their communication skills and how honest they are about their relationship and each other. Also, if they didn’t know each other for long, then it won’t. Read on to learn to recognize the signs of an unhealthy rebound relationship. These are all excellent indicators of how long your ex’s rebound relationship will last. Why Rebound Relationships Can Sometimes Last Rebound relationships are those that start very quickly after a breakup. Most experts agree that a relationship within six months of separation is considered a rebound relationship. Generally, someone enters into a rebound relationship to get over their ex. These relationships don't last very long because they don't have time to process their feelings from the breakup before jumping into a new relationship and aren't emotionally ready to commit to a new partner. Relationship coach Chris Seiter estimates that rebound relationships last an average of 5 months, and only 39-40% of rebound relationships last long-term. So statistically, your ex’s rebound relationship isn't likely to last. However, each relationship is different, and when it comes to the potential of a rebound relationship, it's important to consider several things. Let’s look at them now. 1. Their New Partner Is Very Different From You When looking for a rebound relationship, many people look for someone who’s the complete opposite of the person they just broke up with. This may seem like a good idea because if the two of you aren't compatible, they want to try something different. However, this is a clear sign that they don’t really know what they want from a relationship. It’s essential to take time after a relationship ends to consider which characteristics you want and don’t want in your next partner. Rebound relationships often happen too fast to truly process what you need moving forward. The chances are that if your relationship lasted a while, you have a lot of characteristics that your ex likes. If they seem to discount the traits that worked well in your relationship, their new relationship won't be sustainable. Less often, your ex will begin a relationship with someone eerily similar to you. Maybe they look like you, or perhaps they have the same career and hobbies. The similarities will be apparent to others, and these partners almost seem like a replacement for you. But if your relationship with your ex didn’t work out, it's unlikely that a similar relationship will. Like your complete opposite, a relationship with someone similar to you will likely not end well for your ex. A successful relationship should be a happy medium between the familiar and something new. 2. Communication Is Non-Existent or Significantly Decreased When someone is in a serious relationship, they won't keep in constant contact with their ex. Even in situations where you agreed to still be friends, communications naturally change as you go your separate ways. According to a survey conducted by The Modern Man, only 30% of men said their exes are okay with keeping in contact after a breakup. If most exes keep in contact, it's very telling if your ex doesn't want to stay in touch. Even if you don't cut off contact entirely after breaking up, if your ex is serious about their new partner, they won't chat with you very much. At first, it may seem like they aren't putting as much effort into your communication. They won’t reach out to initiate contact themselves, they take longer to respond, and those responses are very brief. It may begin to feel like pulling teeth when conversations used to flow naturally. In this case, your ex is responding to you to be polite but isn't actually interested in continuing your relationship. The change in communication can also reflect the wishes of the new partner. Having a new partner in contact with their ex can often be concerning. If your ex has cut off contact with you out of respect for their new relationship and not from personal preference, it shows their respect for their partner. 3. They Knew Their New Partner Previously Rebound relationships often happen so fast that there’s no time for the new connection to develop a strong foundation. That’s why these vulnerable relationships often fall apart so quickly. However, if your ex knew their new partner before the breakup and even before they met you, the relationship will be stronger than a typical rebound relationship. Whether a previous ex or a long-time friend, your ex has a better idea of who they are and what’s important to them. In my case, my ex-wife began a relationship with her best friend (a guy) that she knew for 7 years. He was a family friend as well, and they started dating after we separated, but long before the ink was dry on our divorce decree. Generally, people are more cautious about beginning relationships with friends because they don't want to lose their friendship if the relationship doesn’t work out. Because of this, people think more carefully before committing. This is a different situation from the usual spontaneous rebound relationship. Therefore, if your ex is with someone they’ve known for a while, their relationship will probably last beyond a typical rebound. If your marriage failed, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back. 4. They Have Made It Past the Honeymoon Phase The honeymoon phase is usually the easiest part of a relationship. New relationships seem fun and exciting initially, and it can be easy to overlook any issues that arise. In a rebound relationship, the honeymoon period typically lasts about three months. The relationship then begins to become less novel as the couple starts to face real challenges together. How the couple navigates the time after the honeymoon phase can be very telling for the strength of their relationship moving forward. It’s natural for people to try and avoid conflict and difficulty. Pushing through obstacles is a test of commitment, and this is as true in relationships as in anything else. A relationship built on mutual respect and dedication will last past the honeymoon phase. Conversely, when someone doesn't consider a relationship important, it won't seem worth the work of facing obstacles. For example, if a partner’s family and friends disapprove of your relationship, it can be a big obstacle. If you aren't genuinely invested in the relationship, it isn't worth working for approval, and easier to end the relationship. 5. Your Relationship Ended Gradually and Amiably Your ex’s success in their new relationship depends significantly on their mindset from the beginning. Although rebound relationships are defined by their immediacy after the official breakup, your situation may be different if the love between you was fading for a while before you ended things. If your relationship ended messily, your ex’s emotions will still be pretty raw, which can prevent them from being open with their new partner. Relationships cannot last long if one of the people involved isn't emotionally available. Conversely, if your relationship had been fading slowly for a while before you finally decided to break up, or you’ve already been separated for some time, your ex may be open to a new relationship. Although the breakup may be recent, it won't be as traumatic if their feelings have been fading for a while. And if you're a guy who got dumped by a woman, I can guarantee her feelings were fading for a long time before you became aware of it. Women tend to not say anything in the face of fading love and passion, and then only bring it up once they are actually done. It's not fair of course (that's what happened to me). But most of the time, that is how women handle it. So if her feelings have been gone for a while, your ex’s rebound is more likely to succeed. The person who initiated the breakup can also be a factor in their new relationship. If you're the one who ended the relationship, your ex may be hurt or even blindsided and may react in the same way as they’d to a messy breakup. If your ex was the one that ended things, they might be able to move on faster than you. Before they decided to end the relationship, they spent time thinking through the pros and cons of your relationship. Essentially, they began the processing and grieving process before the breakup, which makes them more ready to transition into a new relationship. 6. Their New Partner Is Worried About You No one in a relationship wants to constantly be hearing about their partner’s ex, because it feels hurtful and can inspire plenty of jealousy. Generally, these negative feelings aren't well hidden. Sometimes your ex’s new partner will reach out to you directly, and other times it's something you hear through the grapevine. Either way, jealousy isn't a good sign that a rebound relationship will last. If your ex’s new partner feels threatened by you, it can be because they sense that your ex is still interested in you. Maybe your ex has been talking about you more or still seems upset from your breakup. This is often the cause for the new partner to end the relationship. If your ex isn't exhibiting signs of thinking about you, their new partner’s concern can also be from their own insecurities. This type of protective and sometimes even paranoid attitude isn't healthy in a relationship any more than jealousy and may cause the relationship to end quickly. If your marriage failed, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back. 7. They Spend More Time With Friends Quality time with your partner is an integral part of a relationship. The time that your ex spends with their friends can reflect the condition of their new relationship. If your ex is frequently hanging out with their friends without their new partner, it could be an excuse to spend less time with the person. It could also mean that the relationship isn't serious enough to introduce them to the group. If it’s been a few months since they got together and your ex still isn’t comfortable introducing them, that can be a sign that they don't consider their new relationship serious. What if your ex does bring their new partner to hang out with their friends? Then it's time to look at their private time as well. If your ex only hangs out with their new partner in a group setting and doesn't value any alone time, that isn't a good sign for their relationship. Using their friends as a buffer to avoid alone time isn't a viable long-term plan. Let's face it, group dates are the ultimate cock-block and really only appropriate once a couple is in a full-fledged long-term committed relationship. 8. Your Ex Is Honest With Their New Partner Nobody wants to feel like they’re the rebound. However, being honest with a new partner is essential for a relationship to have potential. If your ex has been truthful with their new partner about when and how your relationship ended, it establishes trust from the very beginning. If their partner finds out down the road that they were the rebound, it’ll understandably upset them. So how do you tell if your ex is being honest with their new partner? The best indicator of this is whether your ex is introducing them to people in their life. If they’re keeping any kind of secret from their significant other, they’ll be very nervous that their friends and family may say something unknowingly that gives them away and will wait longer to introduce them. 9. Your Ex Has Cut Off Attachments Many things can remind you of your ex. Maybe it’s an old sweatshirt of theirs, a piece of jewelry they gave you, contact with their friends, or visiting “your spot.” The memento doesn’t matter, as it’s all about the sentimental attachment. It often takes time to let go of these relics from past relationships. After all, not all the memories you have with the person are bad, even if it was rough at the end. Part of healing from a relationship is letting go of the reminders of the past to move forwards. If your ex is still hanging on to souvenirs of your relationship, they probably haven’t moved on enough to take a new relationship seriously. This is a strong indicator that their rebound relationship is doomed to fail. Final Thoughts Many factors contribute to the success of a rebound relationship. And while you never know the intimate details of someone’s relationship, these signs can help you get a pretty good idea of whether this new relationship has the potential to last.