How Do I Save My Marriage After Divorce? (Hint: You Can)

You may be going through a separation period or finalizing your divorce when you suddenly realize that you want to give your marriage another try. While it may seem too late, and your ex may be resistant, you may still have wondered “how do I save my marriage after divorce?”. 

Here are a few things to do to reconcile after divorce.

  1. Analyze yourself.
  2. Control your emotions.
  3. Treat this like a brand new relationship.
  4. Communicate clearly.
  5. Spend some time apart.
  6. Learn your spouse’s love language.
  7. Create a plan.
  8. Keep your reconciliation attempt private.
  9. Look into marriage counseling.

In the rest of this article, I will explain how to reconcile with your partner after divorce and give you some tips on creating and maintaining a healthy marriage. Read on for details.

You CAN save your relationship — even if you have already broken up.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Mend the Marriage does:

“Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to watch this free short video from Brad.

1. Analyze Yourself

Before you even begin your reconciliation attempts, you need to first analyze yourself. Take a trip down memory lane and view your behavior and thoughts during the marriage. Were you a supportive partner? Did you get angry a lot? In hindsight, was there anything you think you could have done better?

By analyzing yourself, you’ll see what went wrong the first time around. This will allow you to work on those issues to hopefully prevent the same problems from ruining your reconciliation attempt.

2. Control Your Emotions

Divorce is often a messy and mentally challenging process, so your emotions could be running high. You may feel drained, upset, frustrated, and sad; all at the same time.

However, it’s important to be calm and level-headed if you want to make a positive attempt at reconciliation. If you get angry over an earlier issue, it could bring back those negative feelings, which would only harm your attempts to reconcile with your ex-spouse. Even when discussing issues in your marriage with them, you need to be able to do so in a calm, rational manner, without devolving into a screaming match.

By taking some time to control your emotions before seeking out your partner, you can begin your relationship anew without the negative emotions hindering you.

3. Treat This Like a Brand New Relationship

When getting back together with your ex-spouse, it’s easy to quickly fall back into old routines. However, that’s far from what you need to be doing. To really work on the marriage, you’ll need to treat this like a brand new relationship.

Here are a few pointers to help you freshen things up.

  • Go on Dates

Couples who have been married a long time or have children may find it hard to make time for dates. However, dates are a great way to keep the romance alive and give the couple some time alone with each other.

When trying to reconcile, begin with at least one date every week. Dress up, go to a restaurant or movie, or take a walk together. Do the little things that you both once enjoyed. This will bring back memories of when you were truly happy and remind you why you fell in love with each other in the first place.

  • Compliment Each Other

This may sound like a silly tip, but complimenting and appreciating your partner goes a long way to repairing a marriage. Many couples simply forget to show their appreciation to their partners daily, which could lead to resentment or apathy. You can rebuild that lost affection by regularly complimenting your partner on small things like their clothes or haircut.

  • Give Gifts

You’d be surprised at how far a meaningful gift can go towards repairing a fractured relationship. Show your appreciation now and then by treating your partner to some small gifts. Make sure to go for gifts that you know your partner would appreciate.

However, don’t overdo the gift-giving. You want to show appreciation, not obsession.

4. Communicate Clearly

Clear communication is the key to a successful marriage. In analyzing the reasons for their failed marriages, many couples realize that a major problem was their lack of communication.

Proper communication can prevent misunderstandings and help you get through difficulties rationally and objectively. This could allow you to address previous situations in your earlier marriage and prevent similar problems in the future.

To effectively reconcile, you and your spouse will need to work on communicating with each other instead of simply assuming the other’s intentions.

5. Spend Some Time Apart

Many couples find that a short separation period helps them create a stronger relationship. When you spend time away from your spouse, you may realize that you miss them.

Live separately for a while. Schedule meetings and dates like you did when you first met each other. This will allow you to gradually build up a solid relationship, as the separation will make you realize that you miss being together.

6. Learn Your Spouse’s Love Language

The concept of love languages was introduced by Gary Chapman, an American author and radio talk show host. In his 1992 book, The Five Love Languages, he outlines the five main methods through which individuals give and receive love.

The five love languages he outlines are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch
  • Acts of Service

By analyzing your partner and finding out their love language, you can communicate your affection in a way that they understand.

For example, suppose your partner shows love through physical touch, but you show your love through words of affirmation. In that case, you could adjust your behavior to include physical touch to show appreciation to your partner in their love language.

If your marriage has failed, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

7. Create a Plan

To effectively reconcile, you and your partner will need to sit down together and come up with a plan. This plan will include your rules, expectations, and goals for your relationship.

Creating a plan allows you to fully discuss any questions or issues with your partner right at the beginning. This will prevent future problems due to a lack of planning.

8. Keep Your Reconciliation Private

It can be tempting to immediately let all your loved ones know that you’re getting back together with your ex-spouse. However, you’ll want to keep things private for a while.

First, don’t forget that this relationship is between you and your partner. Involving family and friends will most likely lead to increased opinions on your relationship and compatibility. This might negatively affect your new relationship.

Also, if you have children together, it’s best to let them know only when you are serious about getting back together. Until then, do not involve your children in your love life.

9. Look Into Marriage Counseling

Regardless of whether the steps mentioned above are working, it’s always advisable to go to marriage counseling or couples therapy. Therapy will allow you and your spouse to work out your marriage issues with a licensed professional in individual and joint sessions.

Studies have shown that couples that get counseling show increased satisfaction in their marriage and increased personal and mental development. If you’re having trouble sorting out issues from your previous marriage, you may benefit from marriage counseling.

If your marriage has failed, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

Conclusion

It may take time and commitment, but it is definitely possible to save your marriage even after a divorce. Divorced couples often find themselves rekindling their relationship after some time apart.

To save your marriage, here are a few things to consider.

  • First, analyze yourself and work on your individual needs before you attempt reconciliation.
  • Communicate clearly and always discuss important decisions.
  • Treat this reconciliation as a new relationship by rebuilding your romance.
  • Look into marriage counseling to sort through more troublesome issues and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

You CAN save your relationship — even if you have already broken up.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Mend the Marriage does:

“Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to watch this free short video from Brad.

Jeff Campbell

Hi! I'm Jeff Campbell. I am a father and blogger and recently divorced. I love spending time with my 3 daughters and am still learning how to navigate life as a single dad and ex-husband; a life I didn't choose but have accepted.

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