Tinder: Who Should Message First? (Perfect conversation tips)

Ever swiped right on someone on Tinder only to freeze up when it’s time to send that first message? Tinder: Who messages first?

On Tinder, either person can message first once a match is made. There are no strict rules regarding who initiates the conversation. However, those following more old-fashioned gender roles would expect the man to message a woman first.

But it is generally encouraged for both parties to engage actively in order to foster meaningful connections. So, the decision on who messages first often depends on individual preferences, confidence, and communication styles.

Fear not, dear swiper! We’ve got your back with the definitive guide to crafting the perfect first message on Tinder. Get ready to glide through the world of online dating with confidence, charm, and a sprinkle of wit.

Short Summary

  • Be brave & bold to break the ice on Tinder!
  • Forget gender norms and use confidence as the key to success.
  • Don’t take rejection personally, keep swiping until you find your match!

Breaking the Ice: Who Should Send the First Message on Tinder?

In the thrilling world of dating apps, the first message is a crucial stepping stone to snagging that dream date. It’s your chance to make a splash and grab the attention of your potential Tinder match. But who should make that bold first move?

Traditionally, men have been expected to take the plunge, but the ladies can definitely shake things up too.

Confidence is the secret sauce when it comes to crafting great opening lines for your first Tinder message, regardless of your gender. But messaging first on Tinder is a great way to exude that confidence.

So let’s dive into how to confidently break the ice and make your match swoon.

Gender Norms and Messaging

Ah, gender norms. They’ve shaped our dating habits for centuries, but the world is changing, and so is the dating game.

While men have been the historically “charming” ones, initiating conversations more often than women, ladies shouldn’t shy away from taking charge. Remember, we’re in the 21st century, and it’s all about smashing those norms and embracing women messaging!

So, whether you’re a man or a woman, take that plunge and potentially lead the way to a fabulous first date.

Confidence is Key

When it comes to sending the first message on Tinder, confidence is everything.

A little swagger can make you look more attractive and intriguing, increasing your chances of getting the matches you seek. But too much swagger is a sure-fire way to come across as arrogant.

So channel your inner charmer and craft a Tinder first message that shows you’re genuinely interested in your match, making your Tinder messages stand out.

And don’t forget, kindness always wins hearts. Be sincere, be engaging, and be ready to charm their hearts (or at least their inbox).

It also shows confidence if, after a few days of back-and-forth messaging, you get their phone number and talk to them in real life.

Why Don’t Some Guys Message First on Tinder?

Some guys may hesitate to message first on Tinder due to various reasons:

  1. Fear of rejection: Rejection is a common concern for many individuals. Some guys may worry about initiating conversation out of fear of being ignored or rejected by the other person.
  2. Passivity or lack of interest: Some guys may simply prefer to be passive and wait for others to make the first move. They may not feel a strong urge to take the initiative and prefer to see who shows interest in them.
  3. Overwhelm or indecisiveness: With the abundance of potential matches on Tinder, some guys may feel overwhelmed or indecisive about who to message first. They may struggle with choosing the right person to reach out to and thus delay initiating conversations.
  4. Insecurity or low confidence: Insecurity and low self-confidence can also play a role in why some guys don’t message first. They may doubt their attractiveness or worry about saying something wrong, leading to hesitation in taking the first step.
  5. Traditional gender roles: Social conditioning and traditional gender roles can influence behavior on dating apps. Some guys may still adhere to the belief that it is the woman’s role to initiate conversation or make the first move.
  6. Lack of interest or investment: In some cases, guys may not be genuinely interested or invested in finding a meaningful connection on Tinder. They may be using the app casually or without much intention, leading to a lack of motivation to message first.

It’s important to note that these reasons are not exclusive to guys and can apply to anyone using dating apps. Every individual has their own preferences, insecurities, and communication styles, which can impact their willingness to initiate conversations on Tinder.

How Can Guys Get Girls to Message First on Tinder?

If guys want to increase the likelihood of girls messaging them first on Tinder, there are a few strategies they can consider:

  1. Optimize your profile: Make sure your profile is attractive and engaging. Use high-quality photos that showcase your personality and interests. Write a compelling Tinder headline and bio that sparks curiosity and encourages conversation.
  2. Show genuine interest: When engaging in conversation, show genuine interest in the other person. Ask thoughtful questions, listen actively, and respond thoughtfully. This can make girls feel valued and more inclined to initiate further conversations.
  3. Highlight common interests: Find common ground by carefully reading the other person’s profile. Mention shared interests or hobbies in your messages to create a sense of connection and encourage girls to reach out.
  4. Be authentic: Be yourself and let your true personality shine through. Avoid using generic pick-up lines or trying to be someone you’re not. Authenticity is attractive and can pique girls’ curiosity to initiate conversations.
  5. Stand out from the crowd: Find unique ways to differentiate yourself from other guys on the app. Share interesting stories or showcase your sense of humor. Being memorable can increase the chances of girls wanting to message you first.
  6. Be respectful and positive: Create a positive and respectful environment in your interactions. Avoid making derogatory or disrespectful comments. Encouraging a friendly and welcoming atmosphere can make girls feel more comfortable and confident in initiating conversations.

It’s important to note that these strategies are not foolproof, as individual preferences and behaviors vary. Ultimately, building a connection on Tinder requires mutual effort, genuine engagement, and respectful communication from both parties.

Crafting a Winning Opening Line for Your First Tinder Message

Your opening line can make or break your chances with a Tinder match, so it’s crucial to nail it right off the bat. First impressions matter!

But how do you craft that perfect first message that will make your match smile and respond? We’ve got some tips to help you stand out from the crowd and increase your chances of scoring a response.

First, be genuine and authentic – nobody wants to read a copy-pasted message that feels like it’s been sent to a thousand other people. Show interest in their profile by mentioning something specific you noticed, like a hiking photo or their love for long walks on the beach. Pair a low-key compliment with a funny, open-ended question to keep the conversation flowing.

And always double-check your message for any typos or bloopers before hitting send.

Be Genuine and Authentic

Let’s face it, nobody wants to read a generic “hey, what’s up?” message. Being genuine is a must to make sure you don’t blend in with the rest and to demonstrate that you’re genuinely interested in the other person.

Use humor and creativity to your advantage by asking your match a fun, open-ended question or a funny pick up line that’ll spark their interest.

It’s important to remember that the majority of singles, 83%, agree that having a humorous conversation on a dating app can bring much more exciting conversations in the real world. Having fun while conversing in the realm of online dating is likely to make your first date even more interesting!

Show Interest in Their Profile

Personalizing your initial message based on a person’s profile is the easiest way to grab their attention. Whether it’s a flirty compliment about their cute smile or insightful open-ended questions about their favorite travel destination, showing that you’ve taken the time to read their profile can go a long way in making a connection.

Keep it lighthearted, funny, and engaging, and you’ll be well on your way to a fruitful Tinder conversation, almost like a funny meeting.

Looking for a comprehensive list of Tinder first messages that are proven to get responses?

In a recent article, I take a look at 325 of the best examples of first messages on Tinder. Whether you’re a man or woman, new to online dating, or a total pro, I guarantee you’ll find some great first message examples you can put into your rotation.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

First Tinder Message Dos and Don’ts

Now that you’re armed with tips for crafting a winning opening line, let’s talk about some musts and must-nots for sending your first Tinder message.

Sending the same intro to everyone can make your match feel like they’re just another number in your dating game. So, being genuine and original is crucial to avoid making your match feel like they’ve been copied into your heart. And always, always give your words a once-over before you hit that send button.

When it comes to Tinder, crafting a unique first message based on the other person’s actual interests can make a significant difference in sparking a meaningful conversation. An opening message tailored to the individual’s profile is the best way to grab their attention and show genuine interest.

Using common conversation starters or generic messages can be the worst thing to do, as they often fail to make a lasting impression.

By referencing something specific from their profile, such as a shared hobby or an intriguing photo, you can get the ball rolling and demonstrate that you’ve taken the time to learn about them.

This personal touch sets you apart from a lot of people sending generic messages and increases the chances of a good conversation. Consider using unique opening lines or asking open-ended questions to encourage a response and keep the dialogue flowing.

Remember, a well-crafted and thoughtful first message can make a world of difference in making a good first impression and potentially lead to a meaningful connection.

Avoid Overloading with Information

While it’s important to show interest in your match’s profile, there’s such a thing as too much information. Avoid sending a message that’s longer than War and Peace and instead, keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Remember, you want to pique their interest, not overwhelm them with your life story.

Keep the message focused on your match, and save the in-depth conversations for later when you’ve invested more time in getting to know each other.

Steer Clear of Controversial Topics

Nobody wants their first Tinder message to turn into a heated debate or awkward misunderstanding. So, do yourself a favor and steer clear of hot-button issues. Instead, focus on getting to know your match and finding common interests that can spark a fun and engaging conversation.

Save the controversial topics for when you’re both more comfortable with each other and have established a foundation of trust and understanding.

Timing Matters: When to Send Your First Message on Tinder

So you’ve crafted the perfect first message, but when should you send it? Timing is key when sending your first message on Tinder if you want to get a response in a jiffy. The most popular times to be swiping on Tinder can vary depending on where you live and what time zone you’re in, so you better get swiping.

Responding to messages is equally important. Show your true, authentic self and be enthusiastic about the other person’s profile when messaging back. But remember, sometimes it’s good to play it cool and not always text back quickly – a little mystery can go a long way.

Peak Hours for Tinder Activity

The ideal time to send your first message on Tinder is between 8 PM and 10 PM when most users are finished with their daily tasks and ready to mingle. Shoot your shot within 12 hours of matching to show that you’re interested and eager to get to know them better.

Remember, timing is everything, so don’t keep your match waiting too long or risk losing their interest.

Responding to Messages

When it comes to responding to messages, it’s essential to strike a balance between playing it cool and showing genuine interest. If you’re keen on your match, try to respond within a dozen hours to keep the conversation flowing. However, being too quick to reply in the early stages might make you seem desperate, so don’t be afraid to play it cool once in a while.

Remember, a little mystery can be quite intriguing.

Handling Rejection on Tinder and Moving Forward

Rejection is a part of life, and Tinder is no exception. It’s important to remember that if you get rejected, it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love or connection.

Even if you match with new people, you have no idea if you’re truly a good fit until you start messaging or dating. After all, initially, you have just seen their profile picture and seen that you both have some mutual interest. But you have no idea who they may have been messaging before they swiped right on you. And maybe things are progressing with that person.

So, how do you move forward after facing rejection on Tinder?

First and foremost, don’t take it personally. Remember, rejection is a normal part of the dating process and doesn’t reflect on you as a person. Instead, use the experience as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.

Don’t Take It Personally

Rejection on Tinder can sting, but it’s important to remind yourself that it’s not a reflection of your worth as a person. Keep your chin up and focus on the positive aspects of your interactions. Learn from the experience and use it to improve your approach in the future.

After all, there are plenty more down-to-earth fish in the sea (or, in this case, swipes on the screen) when it comes to real-life connections.

Keep Swiping and Messaging

Just because one of your Tinder matches didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean you should give up on finding love on Tinder. Heck, some people even use Tinder just to make friends.

Keep swiping and messaging other potential matches, as Tinder users like you never know who might turn out to be your perfect match.

Utilize features like Tinder Super Likes, Swipe Surge, and GIFs in your messages to maximize your chances of finding that special someone. And always remember, the more you put yourself out there, the higher your chances of finding love.


In conclusion, crafting the perfect first message on Tinder is all about breaking the ice with confidence, being genuine and authentic, and showing interest in your match’s profile.

Remember to keep the conversation light, fun, and engaging, and always be mindful of timing.

Most people on Tinder are looking for a good time. And whether that’s a one-night stand, quick hookup, or a real relationship, avoiding serious topics initially is a good way to show them just how much fun you can be.

Rejection is a part of the dating process, so don’t take it personally and keep swiping and messaging other potential matches. With these Tinder tips in hand, you’re well on your way to finding love in the digital age.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should a girl message first on Tinder?

Girl, go for it! Data says only 1.4 percent of women say that women should send the first message compared to 9.8 percent of men, so why not be bold and make the first move?

Take the initiative and make the first move. You never know what could happen!

Who is the first person you see on Tinder?

When using Tinder, the first person you see will depend on your app settings and the profiles available in your geographical area.

The order in which profiles are presented can be influenced by various factors, such as your preferences, activity on the app, and the algorithm Tinder uses.

However, it’s important to note that Tinder strives to provide a diverse range of profiles to match with.

So, regardless of your gender, you will typically encounter profiles of single women when using the app. These profiles will include their dating information, such as bio, interests, and profile photos, allowing you to make an informed decision when swiping and engaging in online dating.

Can you message someone on Tinder without matching first?

On Tinder, messaging someone typically requires a mutual match first.

This means that both individuals need to express interest in each other by swiping right. However, there is an exception for users with a premium subscription such as Tinder Plus, Tinder Platinum, or Tinder Gold.

These subscription tiers offer features like “Tinder Boost” or “Super Likes” that can help increase visibility and attract attention. With these subscriptions, you have the ability to send a message to someone before officially matching, giving you an opportunity to make a connection.

It’s important to note that while these features can enhance your chances of getting noticed, sending a good first message remains crucial to engage the other person. Being genuine, respectful, and using the best opening lines can make a positive impression and increase the likelihood of a response.

Do guys like when girls message first on Tinder (Reddit answers)?

While opinions may vary, many guys appreciate it when girls message first on Tinder.

In online discussions on Reddit forums, numerous users have expressed positive reactions to receiving messages from women. Some guys find it flattering and refreshing, as it breaks traditional dating norms and shows confidence. It can also indicate genuine interest and initiative on the part of the woman, making the conversation more engaging and dynamic.

Many men value equal participation and enjoy the sense of mutual effort in starting a conversation. They appreciate the opportunity to see the woman’s personality shine through her messages and feel more at ease in continuing the conversation.

However, it’s important to note that individual preferences differ. Some guys might prefer taking the lead in initiating conversations, while others might have no strong preference. It’s crucial to respect personal boundaries and adapt to each person’s unique style and comfort level.

What’s the importance of confidence in sending the first message on Tinder?

Sending a confident first message is key – it’ll show your potential matches that you’re attractive and intriguing, boosting your chances of finding a match!

Making a good first impression is essential in the online dating world. It’s important to be confident and show that you’re interesting and attractive. This will increase your chances of finding a match!

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