The divorce process can be brutal, and once you have gone through the painstaking process of becoming a single man, there can be a long period of adjustment. So below I’ll review how to be a better man after a divorce.
It is essential that you take steps to get your life back on track and keep moving forward. Here are 19 ways you can become the best version of yourself after a divorce.
I am very happy and excited about starting this new path of this martial art. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu! Life is about extending yourself and trying to reach new altitudes and becoming a better version of yourself everyday. I am beyond grateful for this opportunity and all glory to God pic.twitter.com/dsEhmwd105
— Kaleb Joaquin (@Kaleb_Joaquin) December 4, 2018
1. Start a martial art
Martial arts are one of the best ways to improve your confidence, especially after a brutal divorce.
If you have ever been a victim of domestic violence, then training martial arts will give you an overwhelming sense of confidence and empowerment, and you will forget you ever suffered.
I personally know of lots of men who have also used martial arts as a way to learn to regulate their aggression and, in turn, improve their relationships and avoid divorce altogether. My favorite martial arts are BJJ, Boxing, and MMA.
But any physical training is a good thing.
2. Coach kids
One of the biggest reasons why women divorce us is because we fail to take the lead.
We have to be leaders as men and be good at setting boundaries, staying calm and centered, and making sure our spouse feels our calm protecting energy. We also have to be encouraging of our family and push the family unit forwards through thick and thin.
If you have a sport, you are good at, whether it is soccer, football, basketball, baseball, or anything else, coaching kids or a youth team is one of the best things you can do to improve your emotional intelligence and communication skills. It will also help you become an excellent father.
3. Study psychology
The reality is most women are a little cheeky, and they like to push your buttons and see how easy you are to manipulate. Most women will ask you to do things you are not comfortable with to see if you will listen to her, such as expecting you to pay long after the first date.
Studying psychology is one of the best things a divorced man can do.
You will learn how to detect suspicious behavior from women and other people and how you can respond to them without being rude or escalating in situations.
If I had learned how to communicate better with my wife, hold my ground more and be more decisive and confident without seeming like a dictator, I truly believe I might still be together with my ex-wife.
If you are feeling really down after your divorce, try visiting a therapist or making some friends for emotional support.
4. Study philosophy
Studying philosophy can really help you understand the deeper meaning of your life and help you build deeper and better relationships in the future.
Philosophers have the deepest conversations, and if you are a deep thinker, your future partner in your new relationship will find you so irresistibly mysterious and wise.
Went for walk with my son this morning so couldn’t run this afternoon (My son reminds me, only 1 exercise outing a day!) So dragged dreadmill outside for a run instead after doing my running club’s latest cardio challenge. @racecheck @runr_uk @UKRunChat @dads_running @247running pic.twitter.com/ZZw54pV2ym
— Peter🏃🏻♂️🏁🏅🍊🐕🦺 (@Run_Just_Run) April 1, 2020
5. Do cardio
Most of us men hate running.
And that’s great because it will force us to do things we are uncomfortable with. You have to be able to callous your mind to put yourself through difficulty and be able to step out of your comfort zone.
This carries over into your relationships.
If you are able to run a marathon or something crazy, what’s stopping you from being the most phenomenal provider and protector for your future partner? If you get the chance, try running outdoors to relax your mind even more, and spend time alone in nature.
6. Start lifting weights
The strength of the muscles is as important as the strength of the heart and mind, as you need a healthy body to live your life. I kid you not, when you begin seeing the results of your hard work in the gym, your confidence will go through the roof, and you will be wishing you started working out when you were 10!
Make sure to couple your weight training with healthy foods and rest, and this will be sure to make you a healthier, better person.
7. Do a challenge
Set yourself a crazy goal that seems unattainable at the moment, and then really strive for it. You will be surprised at how much you can achieve when you put your mind to something and truly dedicate yourself to a goal for a few months.
Sign up for a marathon, prepare to climb a mountain or anything else that is incredibly challenging.
Setting goals outside of your reach helps you become the kind of person that works hard and always gets what they want. It will make you more strong-charactered and overall, just a better man.
It will also help you forget about any negative emotions you are holding onto.
8. Grow your beard
It might sound silly, but a man’s beard is like a lion’s mane.
If you have made some big mistakes in the past, changing your appearance can make you feel like a totally different person. It’s a neat psychological trick that can make you feel like the slate has been wiped clean and like you are starting all over again.
Plus having a beard is super cool, and makes you look really masculine. Women love a good beard, and a strong beard is something that not many men have, so it will make you unique, and feel like a lion.
But remember, on average most women find facial hair the sexiest at the 10-day stubble mark. No need to go all Grizzly Adams.
Going through my bestie’s wedding photos. I look like I’m in a cologne commercial. “Sad and Pathetic, For Men.” pic.twitter.com/JJdhIBL47f
— David J. SadFat™ (@ZoopSoul) December 15, 2016
9. Start wearing cologne
Wearing cologne will make you feel so smart, sophisticated, and on the ball all the time. If you select a good cologne, you are bound to get compliments all the time, and this will boost your confidence.
Just don’t overdo it.
10. Spend more time with your family and friends
When you spend time with your spouse, you are not spending time with your kids, family, and friends.
Now that you are divorced, spend time cherishing the moments you have with your family members and begin re-building those fantastic relationships you once had.
You can also try to make some new friends and build a support system with other divorced men.
Building small communities like this, even if it is just a Facebook group, can help you learn new tips and tricks to keep your relationships strong in the future and avoid divorce.
If you are one of the unlucky men that does not get to see their kids much, just know that the child support you are paying is funding the life of your beloved children.
11. Tick things off your bucket list
A bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die.
You could have anything on here, but they all have to be the kind of thing you would only do once in a lifetime, such as climbing Mount Everest, diving with sharks, or seeing a tornado.
Having a bucket list will make you a more adventurous man, force you out of your comfort zone, and allow you to see and experience all that life has to offer. Plus, you will have tons of fun along the way and meet lots of new people.
If you don’t have a bucket list, then make one!
Traveling is a great way to broaden your horizons, make new friends, and experience cultures and ways of life that are completely alien to you.
You could start off easy, explore some English-speaking countries, and then really step out of your comfort zone and go to places where you can only communicate with sign language! You will learn so many new things by traveling.
Traveling is most beneficial for men that have interests.
For example, if you like kayaking, the coasts of the UK are completely different from the caves of Chile. Try and find something you want to explore in a handful of different countries, and then get your passport, book some plane tickets, and go for it!
— TooFab (@TooFab) May 3, 2017
13. Stop your bad habits
If you had some bad habits during your previous marriage, you should make a strong effort to stop them now.
Stop everything that is spiritually, physically, and psychologically damaging you, whether that is drinking to excess, smoking, substance abuse, overusing social media, pornography, or other things.
If you want to be a better man after your divorce, you must learn how to regulate your pleasure and only give yourself pleasure after enduring some discomfort. Pleasure without discomfort means you are rewarding yourself for being in your comfort zone, and this is destructive.
If you want to be successful in your future romantic relationships, you need to get rid of the bad habits you have had for a long time.
14. Start a business
If you have just left a relationship, now is the time to become financially strong.
Most relationships fail because of money or communication issues. You can fix money issues by firstly learning how to be disciplined with your money and then putting that money to work.
If you have a passion or hobby, you can turn that into a business and coach/teach others.
If you don’t have something you can start a business out of yet, then look into investing. And if you don’t even have the money to invest, you can hop onto YouTube and consume an ocean of business and personal finance information for free.
15. Start a craft
There is nothing more manly than being able to do something with your hands.
Maybe you can try out woodworking, bushcraft, leatherworking, or something else. Try something that will help you improve your focus, dexterity, and problem-solving.
I have loved woodwork since the age of 12 and remember my first time in the workshop at school. You could learn a craft and start a blog about it, and even make your own courses to sell as a business!
16. Spend time in nature
Spending time in the great outdoors is a great way to forget about the stresses of life, reflect on what has happened in the past, and then let go of it. Being alone with nature is one of the best ways to reduce stress and improve mental health.
And you don’t have to spend much time out and about to feel the effects.
This is important as stress can impact your health negatively and even reduce your testosterone. If having a walk in the park sounds boring to you, try something more challenging like wild camping, hunting your own food, hiking, or fishing.
You will learn patience and dedication and have a ton of fun.
Playing airsoft tonight ! 😈
Going “Bravo six, going dark” full style xD pic.twitter.com/wWGpBjc9mD
— Nabi Wolfy 💙💜 (@NabiandTaro) December 20, 2019
17. Learn marksmanship or archery
Of course, this depends on your laws and where you live, but my point is, that learning something that is slightly dangerous can be beneficial for you. Learning how to shoot, do archery, throw a javelin, or do anything else risky will make you become more sensible and level-headed.
You will learn to become the kind of person that is controlled.
One of my favorite things about sports like archery and marksmanship is the way nothing else in the world matters when my sights are on my target. It is a wonderful way to relax and by far one of the most pleasurable pastimes of mine.
If you are more of a thrill-seeker, you can try playing airsoft or paintballing instead. You will have lots of fun and meet loads of new people.
Quite often, you will find ex-military guys at these events, and they have all kinds of interesting stories and tricks to tell you, from first aid to bushcraft to self-defense.
18. Learn survival skills
Learning how to hunt your own meat, cook it, build shelters, and be able to survive in the middle of nowhere is one of the manliest things you can do. It builds character.
Sadly, the inner hunter-gatherer nature of man has faded now, but that’s not to say you can’t become a super confident, spontaneous problem-solver.
19. Learn self-sufficiency
Growing your own food at home, raising your own chickens, and doing things yourself is a nice way to disconnect from the world.
And it can help you become a more appreciative and nurturing person. Self-sufficiency will also boost your confidence and teach you that you don’t need anyone other than yourself to be happy.
Doing these things will help you appreciate the little things in life and is the best way to become more responsible.
If you are a recently divorced man that has been negatively affected by your experience, you must learn to forgive yourself and your ex-partner and focus on yourself and what you can do now.
Divorced men should focus on improving their physical and mental health by partaking in activities that will make them fitter and more confident and improve their problem-solving and communication.
When you focus on yourself more, you will automatically find that you feel better and no longer seek the validation of others around you.
If you really strive and work towards meaningful goals you set yourself, you will forget about all the bad that has happened to you, and you will be able to move on and live your life happily.
If you have been through some difficult times, the most important thing is to start doing things in your best interests. Forget about your first relationship and all previous relationships. Get through those stages of grief, focus on yourself, and your next relationship will be much more successful.