How Does a Sugar Relationship Work?

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Sugar relationships are a form of dating between (typically) older men and younger women. But is it purely a business deal? Is it even legal? How does a sugar relationship work?

A sugar relationship is a beneficial relationship where the woman (sugar baby) receives financial support from the man (sugar daddy) in exchange for their time and companionship. This often includes a sexual relationship.

The most common form of a sugar relationship is between an older man and a younger woman. However, it can also be between an older woman (sugar mommas) and a younger man or individuals of the same sex.

Regardless, sugar dating is a lucrative business for sugar babies.

Are you divorced or single and looking for some excitement and companionship? Or are you seeking an alternative to making money?

Read on to explore the tenets of a sugar relationship.

How does a sugar partner type of relationship differ from a regular relationship?

This is tough. After all, as a guy, I’ve always spent money on women I’m dating or married to. So, in one sense, it’s not that different.

As a 57-year-old guy, I’ve also traditionally been with younger women (my 1st ex-wife aside). My 2nd wife was 17 years younger, and I’ve dated women with bigger age gaps than that.

But I think what makes it different is it being seen as a beneficial relationship with a lower focus on an emotional connection.

In short, it’s a little more business-like.

And while I’m sure there are exceptions, in many cases, the young woman isn’t likely going to fall in love with her potential sugar daddies.

And in fact, up to 30% of the time, sugar daddies are married. So they are not only looking for a beneficial relationship but discretion and secret benefits too.

What is the average age of sugar daddies and sugar babies?

On average, the typical age gap is about 20 years, with a sugar daddy (or sugar momma) being in their late 40’s and the young ladies involved (often college students) being in their early 20s.

But when I was briefly on seeking.com, at age 57, I did go out with a 34-year-old woman. So we had a 23-year age gap.

How do I make my sugar daddy happy?

Do away with feelings of entitlement

One mistake sugar babies make is feeling entitled. Good manners go a long way in keeping a sugar daddy happy. Always say “thank you” for every gift you receive.

A sugar daddy who takes you on expensive dates and buys you nice things could do it for another person. When they notice you are behaving like an entitled brat, they may end the relationship.

Always look beautiful

Men love it when their women look beautiful. At the end of the day, these types of relationships are more superficial. The average sugar daddy will be older and successful, and that’s what he’s bringing to the table.

You, in turn, bring looks, youth, vibrancy, and sex appeal. That’s what makes this a beneficial arrangement.

In addition, it helps to know what colors your sugar daddy loves. You can wear nice lingerie of a color that he appreciates. When you put in the effort to dress well, look good, and smell nice for your sugar daddy, they will be happy.

Respect his private life

Some sugar daddies are married men who are looking for excitement, sex, or just a more youthful companion for certain events. Therefore, as a sugar baby, do not go around snooping on his phone or documents.

Instead, be a comforting shoulder to him. If he decides to disclose some personal information to you, do well to refrain from discussing it with others.

Spice it up in the bedroom

Sex is one of the things that keep men happy. If you do not want to have sex with your sugar daddy, you should tell him from the onset. There are sugar daddies who aren’t looking for sex.

But many will be expecting it, so make your intentions and expectations clear.

So, if you have agreed to sex, then explore together. You can also bring exciting ideas to spice up the sex, like tease stripping or making the first move.

Make him feel “He” is a priority in your life

We all know that being a sugar baby is all about money. However, as a sugar baby, you can treat your sugar daddy so well that they forget it is an agreement.

Send them naughty pictures unexpectedly with a caption like “for your eyes only”. This makes them happy and encourages them to do more.

What do sugar daddies usually do?

There are various types of sugar daddies, and this determines what they do. Let us find out what different sugar daddies do.

Traditional sugar daddies are wealthy, successful older men with large bank accounts who give money to young women for companionship, intimacy, or both. While some see 1 woman regularly, some can comfortably have more than one sugar baby.

Like regular dating apps, there are also a number of sugar dating sites, but the best sugar dating site is seeking.com.

Some of these men and women have a monthly allowance arrangement.

This can vary, of course, but the average is $4,000/month. The sugar daddy would pay this at the beginning of the month, just like any other bill. Of course, there are some women who just want occasional help and don’t expect a set amount at a set time.

Another category is the pay-per-meet sugar daddy.

They are often busy and travel a lot. However, they have a girl they can call to meet up and pay for their companionship.

In addition, some sugar daddies are only interested in sex. They don’t care much for dating. The agreed fee can be paid at each meeting or per month. Granted, at this level, the difference between sugar dates and an escort is fairly minimal.

Then it’s basically sugar prostitution.

Lastly, there are the exclusive sugar daddies. They only want to be with one person. They expect their sugar babies not to be in any other relationship. This type of relationship would be the most like a “normal” one.

Ultimately, a sugar relationship is still a form of dating. 

And as with any dating app, sugar baby sites see the women getting bombarded with options while the options for guys are fairly small.

Therefore, a sugar daddy has to win over potential sugar babies. A potential sugar daddy may decide to sign up to sugar daddy sites to look for a suitable match.

In addition, a sugar daddy has to engage in online conversation before setting up a date. In some cases, both parties can talk about the terms of the relationship right away. Other times, they may go on about two or three dates to determine if they want to continue with the relationship.

Signing up on a sugar daddy site does not guarantee that you will have an influx of sugar babies. But like most dating apps, the best sugar daddy sites have profile pictures and a clear description.

So the important thing is that both the sugar daddy and sugar baby be clear about what they want, what they are willing to give (some sugar babies only do virtual meets), and even things like exclusivity.

The chances of impressing a potential sugar baby increase if you bring a gift on the first date.

Also, many (but not all) sugar babies will not want to go to a sugar daddy’s home.

Therefore, if a sugar daddy wants to have alone time with her, a hotel may be the best option. However, as time goes on and trust is earned, they can meet in the home of either party.

How much do sugar babies get paid?

As a general rule, a sugar baby can get about $200-$600 per date. Alternatively, they can make $1,000 – $5,000 as a monthly allowance, with the average being $4,000/month. But every sugar relationship varies in terms of agreement and compensation.

Let us find out more about what influences the two methods of payment.

Pay Per Meeting (PPM)

PPM is the fee sugar babies charge per meeting. The fee may vary depending on the city. Girls choose this method, especially when they meet a new sugar daddy.

There is still uncertainty about the progress of the relationship. Suppose it does not exceed a few dates, PPM ensures the girl does not waste her time.

However, some girls and their sugar daddies prefer the pay-per-meeting structure. A platonic date may cost $50-$200, but sexual involvement may cost about $200-$500. However, for an all-night affair, a sugar baby can earn about $300-$900.

When I was briefly on seeking.com, I messaged 1 woman I liked, and she was very clear that every meeting would be $500 and that included sex.

How is that different from traditional sex work you ask?

It’s not really. It also wasn’t what I wanted, so I didn’t pursue it any further as I wanted something a little more traditional.

It’s also worth pointing out that on Seeking, you can’t just say you want money in exchange for sex. That would basically be seen as prostition and the website could face legal action for facilitating it.

So you won’t really know what the sugar baby or sugar daddy wants until you message each other.

Monthly allowance

A monthly allowance is an agreement that a sugar daddy pays to a sugar baby at the end of the month.

Monthly allowances can range from $1,000 to $5,000, depending on the frequency of the meetings. $4,000 per month is the average for a monthly allowance for a sugar baby.

The sugar daddy is responsible for paying for the hotel room, dinner, and other refreshments at each meeting.

Can sugar babies have boyfriends?

There is no simple answer to the question. Every situation is different and how you deal with it is what matters.

Some sugar daddies are not interested in sex. They want companionship, someone to go on dates together, travel, and have lots of fun with. In this case, the sugar baby can have a boyfriend on the side.

Most girls that already have a boyfriend try to hide their side business to keep both relationships.

This is because they may love their boyfriend and hope to build something that will last. However, they cannot give up the lifestyle that being a sugar baby promises.

On the other hand, girls who have multiple sugar daddies may not be able to keep a boyfriend. They would always be busy, and it becomes difficult balancing the attention you give the sugar daddies and your boyfriend.

Some men will be understanding and stay, while others will run for the hills.

Nevertheless, if you have a boyfriend, you owe it to them to tell them the truth. This is better in cases where you are not having sexual relations with the sugar daddy.

In addition, if a sugar daddy wants an exclusive relationship, it becomes a breach of the agreement to have a boyfriend.

Therefore, consider the risks carefully before you decide to have both a sugar daddy and boyfriend. As with any relationship, open and honest communication and clear expectations always get the best results.

The woman I briefly dated from Seeking had been married (was still, legally) but had separated from her husband for quite a while, and they had a child together.

Assuming she was telling me the truth, she did not do the sugar baby thing while married, but had done it for a few years before meeting he husband.

But given he was 15-ish years older than her, it’s also possible she had started with a sugar relationship with him.

What are the rules of being a sugar baby?

Be honest with yourself

You need to be 100% honest with yourself. This way, you know what you want. You need to have a clear understanding of why you are doing it.

If you are not honest with yourself, it will be difficult to set appropriate boundaries. According to Alexander Hamilton, “if you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything.”

Make your sugar daddy interested

It is great to dress well and smell nice.

However, outward beauty may not be enough. Let sugar daddies see your strengths when you go out with them. It may be that you are intelligent, funny, or multilingual.

Your sugar daddy appreciates you more when you have more to offer.

Do not waste a sugar daddy’s time

A sugar relationship is not the same as conventional dating, where the man runs after you.

In this case, you have to be available because they compensate you. Sugar daddies are not interested in playing the “hard to get” game.

And if they can’t quickly and easily get their needs met, they might easily find another sugar baby or hop over to a more straightforward site like Ashley Madison.

Maintain a sweet but professional relationship

It is easy to get carried away with the lifestyle of a sugar baby. Don’t forget that your sugar daddy is compensating you for your time. Therefore, do not do things common when people become comfortable in a relationship. Examples include disregarding how you look or talk to them.

Don’t break the agreement

When deciding the terms of the relationship, ensure it is something you can work with.

After the agreement has been finalized, avoid taking it with levity. Suppose you agree to meet every second Friday of the month. Make sure you show up and play your part.

Do not be a blabbermouth

A sugar daddy may not be married. However, nobody likes the world to know their affairs. So, it is imperative that you are a discrete sugar baby.

However, as with any type of online dating, for the first date or two, it helps if there is someone you trust with your location in case any incident occurs.

Do sugar babies sleep with sugar daddies?

As a general rule, most sugar daddies will expect to have sex regularly with their sugar baby, but it is not a compulsory part of every sugar relationship. Some men only desire companionship and nothing more. 

Remember that as a sugar baby, you have to set the boundary.

A sugar baby is not a possession. Therefore, a sugar baby can sleep with a sugar daddy if she is comfortable with it. But of course, the typical sugar daddy relationship would involve sex, and many sugar daddies might not be interested in a sexless relationship.

However, it is essential to discuss the details of the sugar relationship before diving into it.

Some men do not desire intimacy, just companionship and someone to have fun with. As a sugar baby, you can decide how far things can go.

Alternatively, other men will want sex in a sugar relationship.

Most men that pay huge fees and want exclusivity usually desire a more intimate relationship. Intimacy may vary from touching, kissing, other mature stuff, and sex.

Sugar daddies usually know what they want, and they go for it. Similarly, sugar babies should know what they want. They should learn to come to a mutual agreement about what they want from the relationship.

A sugar relationship can begin as platonic. However, suppose the sugar daddy wants more along the line. In that case, they may need to have a discussion to review the terms and goals of the relationship.

How do you end a sugar relationship?

A sugar relationship is fun, but you have to remember that it may end at any time. If you are no longer comfortable with the arrangements, you can call it quits.

On average, most sugar relationships only last 2-3 months.

The first step is to weigh the pros and cons of ending the relationship. Arm yourself with enough reasons such that you do not sound indecisive or attention-seeking. Also, it is vital to have a plan for financial independence.

The second step is to determine how you want to deliver the news.

If you see the sugar daddy or sugar baby regularly, it may be better to do it in person. But if the meets are irregular and especially if they don’t live near you, talk or text might be a better option; especially if you haven’t been seeing them that long.

And if you’re the sugar daddy ending it, and you would be expected to pay if you saw them in person, I would definitely break up via a call or text.

However, be firm in your words and clearly state the reasons for deciding to leave the relationship.

The third step to ending a sugar relationship is firmness. Some sugar daddies may want to guilt-trip you into having sex one more time. And some sugar babies might want one last payment.

Be consistent in your decision, and do not be swayed by desperate, empty promises.

Finally, when ending a sugar relationship, remain civil. Avoid throwing hurtful words or making a sugar daddy feel worthless. Instead, thank them for all the good times and wish them well in their future endeavor.

Going back to the woman I was dating from seeking.com.

In our case, it really felt like normal dating at first. But after our 3rd or 4th date, she began asking for money more and more often. I knew that was the nature of sugar arrangements, but it was a noticeable shift from our first few dates.

And I had been clear I wasn’t looking for something that felt transactional.

So, I did indeed end it after about 4 weeks or so, and I did it via text since it would have been a 3-hour round trip drive for me to do it in person.

She wasn’t happy about it and claimed she had just stopped things with other guys she was talking to (there had never been a discussion about that, and her profile on Seeking stated: “no strings attached”.)

But I suspect she was just bummed to see her potential cash cow go away.

Conclusion

A sugar relationship can be fun for those involved. A common misconception about all sugar dating is that the sugar babies are escorts (hired for an occasion) or prostitutes (hired only for sex).

But the reality is that for some of these women, it is like that.

Finally, do not get too attached to a sugar relationship. It is possible to fall in love, but that is not the goal of sugar dating. Save as much as you can and have lots of fun!

Have you ever wondered if Tinder works for divorced men above 50 years of age?

You can read a recent article that gives an in-depth analysis of the success of using Tinder by older divorced men. In fact, my girlfriend following my divorce came from Tinder. All it takes is patience, good pictures, and the right Tinder bio.

Just click that link to read it on my site.


Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay and Image by Shahid Shafiq from Pixabay

Jeff Campbell

Hi! I'm Jeff Campbell. I am a father and blogger and recently divorced. I love spending time with my 3 daughters and am still learning how to navigate life as a single dad and ex-husband; a life I didn't choose but have accepted.

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