When Your Spouse is in Limerence – Should You Wait or Leave?

Having a spouse deep in limerence is really hard. Limerence is when someone loves another intensely and obsessively. If your spouse is the one in limerence, it can be devastating. We know limerence always ends, but sometimes it can last for years. So should you wait for your limerent spouse to come back or leave?

If the limerence is brand new, it could go for another three years, in which case many may not wish to wait. Also, consider the health of the marriage before the limerence began. If it was strong and your spouse is willing to seek therapy and commit to improvement, waiting might be worthwhile.

If not, leaving may be best to protect your well-being.

Understanding how limerence affects your marriage is the first step. Knowing this helps in deciding if you should wait or go. It’s important to remember that every marriage is different. The best choice for you depends on your unique situation.

Let’s look at all the factors in greater detail to help you decide whether to leave or stay.

Key Takeaways

  • Limerence is a state of obsessive love that can severely impact a marriage.
  • Non-limerent spouses often face emotional neglect and confusion.
  • The decision to wait or to leave is deeply personal and complex.
  • Understanding limerence is crucial to navigating marriage challenges.
  • Each situation is unique; personal discernment is key.
  • Equipped with the right advice, you can make an informed decision.

Should You Wait for Your Limerent Spouse to Come Back?

Understanding Limerence and Its Impact on Marriage

Limerence is a strong, obsessive type of love. People in limerence feel dependent on and long for someone else. This can cause issues with their current relationships.

What is Limerence?

Those in limerence intensely need love back from their crush. It’s more than just liking someone a lot. It sticks around, making people always think about the other person.

Recognizing the Signs of Limerence in Your Spouse

Limerence signs can be big or small, and they change for everyone. Some common signs include needing the other person emotionally, always thinking about them, and putting that person above all else. This can lead to the limerent partner pulling away from their spouse, making them feel ignored and lost.

The Difference Between Limerence and Infatuation

Limerence and infatuation both show a deep interest in someone. But they’re different. Infatuation is often quick and doesn’t last, but limerence is intense and can stay for a long time. Limerence can make people act obsessed and harm their lives and relationships.

How Limerence Affects the Non-Limerent Partner

Limerence doesn’t just affect the person who feels it, it impacts their spouse too. The limerent person’s focus on their crush can make their spouse feel alone, less confident, and sad. This can lead to problems in the marriage, with both partners feeling upset and misunderstood.

It’s important for both partners to understand limerence in marriages. If they spot the signs early, they can work together to handle difficulties better. This can open up chances for talks and maybe fixing their relationship.

healing from betrayal

Do Spouses Always Come Back When a Limerent Affair Ends?

Spouses don’t always come back when a limerent affair ends.

While limerence typically fades within three months to three years, the aftermath varies. Some spouses realize their mistake and want to return, especially if they see the stability and support in their marriage. However, others may have damaged the relationship beyond repair or developed feelings for someone else.

The chances of a spouse coming back depend on several factors.

One key factor is the health of the marriage before the affair. If the marriage was strong and both partners were committed, there’s a better chance of reconciliation. If there were already issues, the affair might be the final straw.

Another important factor is the spouse’s willingness to seek therapy and work on the marriage.

Therapy can help address the underlying issues that led to the affair and rebuild trust. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, couples therapy has a success rate of about 70-80% for improving relationship satisfaction.

Emotional readiness and personal growth also play roles. Some spouses may use the affair as a catalyst for personal change and come back more committed. Others may decide to move on, feeling the affair was a sign they need something different.

Deciding if you should wait for a limerent spouse is a big deal. It’s important to think about the emotional and psychological effects. We’ll go over the good and bad to help you make your choice.

Factors to Consider Before Making a Decision

There are key things to think about before deciding:

  1. Duration and Intensity of Limerence: How deep and long has this feeling been there? The longer it’s been, the harder it could be to fix, affecting marriage advice.
  2. Communication Levels: Think about how well you talk with your spouse. Open and honest talks can help heal from betrayal.
  3. Capacity for Patience and Forgiveness: Look into your ability to be patient and to forgive. These are key when deciding to wait.

Thinking through these pros and cons will help you make a smart decision. You might choose to wait or chart your own path.

Marriage Counseling and Professional Help

Choosing to get professional help for marriage troubles is a big step. It moves you forward towards fixing and healing your relationship. Marriage counseling gives a safe space for partners to talk and solve the challenges of limerence. They learn to understand each other again. And relationship therapy helps find the real issues and teaches good ways to talk.

marriage counseling

When in marriage counseling, a counselor leads the way through talks. These talks aim to build honesty and understanding. This is vital for beating the troubles that come with limerence. The goal isn’t just to end fights but also to bring back trust and love.

Reaching out for professional help counts for both husband and wife. Personal therapy can really help deal with how your partner’s limerence affects you. It’s a chance for deep thinking and healing, which can let you both find clarity and emotional power.

Let’s see how relationship therapy can help deal with serious problems in a marriage:

  • Communication Skills: It makes how you talk to each other better, less fights.
  • Emotional Support: Offers a kind space to talk without fear of being judged.
  • Conflict Resolution: Shows how to solve fights in ways that don’t hurt.
  • Self-awareness: Helps grow as a person, understanding your own feelings.

To wrap it up, check out the benefits in the table below:

Aspect Benefits
Communication Skills Improves how well you understand each other, less fighting.
Emotional Support Makes a place where you can freely share your thoughts.
Conflict Resolution Teaches how to solve disagreements without causing harm.
Self-awareness Helps grow as a person, becoming better at handling emotions.

Getting professional help like marriage counseling and therapy can change things for the better. It leads to personal and relationship growth. This brings both partners closer to a healing journey and a stronger future together.

How to Deal With the Hurt From Limerence

Dealing with your spouse’s limerence can be tough, but you can recover emotionally. We’ll talk about how to heal and move ahead.

Emotional Recovery Strategies

First, take care of yourself to cope with heartbreak. Do things that make you happy and set limits to protect yourself. It’s very helpful to talk to friends, write about your feelings, or have a good cry. This is all part of getting better.

Support Systems: Friends, Family, and Therapy

Your friends and family are a big help during tough times. They listen and encourage you. If you need more than that, you can talk to a therapist. They offer useful advice and help you understand your feelings better.

Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Confidence

Feeling good about yourself again is key, even if it seems hard right now. Remember, you are important and deserve good things. Doing things that make you feel confident, like learning something new or working on a hobby, can help.

Surround yourself with people who help you see how valuable you are. They can make a big difference.

Recovery Aspect Action
Coping with Heartbreak Practice self-care, set boundaries, engage in emotional expression
Support Systems Seek help from friends, family, and therapy
Rebuilding Self-Esteem Focus on personal strengths, pursue confidence-boosting activities
Moving On Let go of resentment, open up to new experiences

Moving On After Separation

Getting over a breakup takes time and bravery. It’s okay to be sad, but try not to hold onto anger. When you are ready, embrace new things and people. This part of your life can bring new chances and growth.


We’ve explored limerence in marriage, highlighting its deep influence on both partners. Dealing with these strong emotions can be hard. However, recognizing and working through limerence is vital for a healthier marriage.

If you’re facing your spouse’s limerence, take care of yourself first. Your approach can include waiting, getting help from a counselor, or deciding to leave. This article offers wisdom to help you find the best path. It’s all about turning limerence into an opportunity for growth.

Overcoming limerence is tough but can lead to resilience and self-discovery. Choosing wisely and leaning on those who support you, you can get through this time with strength and courage. Always remember, your wellbeing is key as you deal with limerence’s challenges.

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