How Do I Know if My Breakup Is Final? (Signs To Look For)

No matter the circumstance, a breakup is always hard. And for the one who got dumped, we will always be wondering whether it’s temporary or permanent. If that sounds familiar, you may have asked “how do I know if my breakup is final?”

Here are eight signs that your breakup is likely to be a permanent one:

  1. You are no longer physically attracted to your ex.
  2. The emotional connection is gone.
  3. You feel better about yourself without your ex.
  4. You don’t trust each other anymore.
  5. Your values and goals in life no longer match.
  6. You or your ex has moved on with someone else.
  7. You are physically distant from each other.
  8. Your relationship has suffered irreparable damage.

If you’re wondering where your breakup stands, let’s take a better look at each of these signs to help you figure out whether you’re ready for a completely new season without your ex or may just need a bit of space before getting back together.

You CAN save your relationship — even if you have already broken up.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Mend the Marriage does:

“Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to watch this free short video from Brad.

1. You Are No Longer Physically Attracted to Your Ex

When you’re head over heels in love with someone, you crave their presence, enjoy their attention, and love to be close. You love everything about them–even their flaws–and you find them irresistibly attractive.

But when the spark isn’t there anymore, their quirks and physical flaws get magnified, and you are no longer as interested in them or drawn to them as you used to be. Suddenly, they’re not as handsome or beautiful as you thought they were.

You may even find yourself wondering what you liked about them in the first place!

But what’s usually the biggest sign that this is happening is there is very little attraction or desire between the two of you.

If the mere thought of being close to your ex or your ex touching you is eliciting feelings of disgust or zero interest at the very least, chances are there’s no way you’re getting back together. (If your ex is having these feelings, your relationship is also likely over, even if you aren’t there yet.)

Intimacy is important to keep the bond between two people strong in a relationship. And so when that’s not happening or can’t happen, there’s no spark that can ignite what could possibly be a restart in the relationship

Plus, if the loss of interest or physical attraction has begun even before you broke up, you most likely did not have a healthy or loving relationship in the first place, or at least, not around the time you ended things. In that case, there’s hardly anything to keep the fire going.

Besides, for any relationship to work at all, you have to like the person enough to be with them.

2. The Emotional Connection Is Gone

A relationship is not all about the physical.

Though physical attraction may be where relationships start, a healthy, long-term relationship depends on more. A relationship grows when you feel that you are understood and safe when you can be vulnerable and not ashamed of your thoughts and feelings. 

However, that doesn’t mean that you’ll be so in sync that you don’t fight at all. In fact, fighting (to an extent) is normal in a healthy relationship, because you’re two different people with different upbringings and from different backgrounds coming together.

Unfortunately, when you are no longer emotionally connected with someone, you will care less and less about them. You will find yourself getting more and more unaffected by what they say or do. You no longer get angry with them about their past mistakes, nor do you get frustrated anymore by what could have been–if only you or your ex did better.

It’s common for exes, especially in the early stages of the breakup, to still keep in touch. Sometimes, exes may even continue to fight. That’s because they’re still emotionally affected by each other–what the other person does still matters. 

Often, when the breakup is final, you no longer feel the need to keep in contact.

You may no longer see your ex as the one person with whom you can bare your heart and soul. You may see them in the office or at a coffee shop and be able to feel no resentment or sadness or affection. You may even afford to smile or say hi without the memories of the past feeling like a weight on your chest.

3. You Feel Better About Yourself Without Your Ex

Another sign that your breakup could be permanent is if you feel better about yourself now that your ex is no longer in your life. This is often true when the relationship was toxic or abusive because then the breakup becomes freedom from what felt like a trap.

This also often means that you have emotionally checked out from the relationship and realize that you actually gained from losing your ex. 

Those who have gone through emotional abuse or manipulation may struggle emotionally with the breakup, especially if the manipulation has been deeply ingrained. 

But deep down, they will understand that they are in a better place now that they have broken up with their ex. Because with it comes the freedom to express themselves in ways that they have never felt free to do so before, discover new things about themselves, or see how strong they are on their own. 

If your ex was abusive (or if you’re in an abusive relationship and are thinking of breaking up), don’t be afraid to reach out to professionals who can help you cope with the trauma.

No matter how wild you think your story may be, you are not alone.

Even for those who did not go through abuse from their ex, breaking up may still feel like a personal triumph. And when that’s the case, who would want to go back to what was? If you’re much happier now than you were when you were a couple, chances are slim that you’re getting back together.

If your marriage has failed, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

4. You Don’t Trust Each Other Anymore

Trust is vital in a healthy relationship. So if you broke up because you or your ex has been having trust issues, it’s probably safe to say you’re not getting back together. That’s because trust is incredibly hard to regain once it’s been broken.

Some examples of relationship issues that lead to trust issues are:

  • Having an affair
  • Habitually breaking promises
  • Habitual lying

Although rebuilding trust is an uphill climb, it’s still possible.

That’s especially true if you can see that the other person is consistently working to better themselves, change their habits, or deliberately avoid places or things that may tempt them to do something they shouldn’t. 

There’s much hard work involved, and it starts with identifying exactly what caused the breakdown of trust.

However, if the guilty party is not doing any of that or, worse, not owning up to the fact that they’re part of the problem, it’s impossible to even think of trusting them again. Imagine getting back together with someone you can’t rely on to have your back, or whose words you constantly have to check because you’re afraid they’re lying or cheating.

How exhausting is that!?

But even if the guilty party is actively doing the work needed to rebuild trust, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will be successful. It depends on the gravity of the problem and how it has affected the other person.

Therefore, if your ex doesn’t take your words at face value anymore, doubts everything you do, or is not interested in speaking again, it’s best to simply accept that the relationship is lost, and the breakup is final.

5. Your Values and Goals in Life No Longer Match

What we often see among strong couples is that they have common goals and values. They have a clear direction for life that complements or matches each other’s. It’s hard to be with someone who doesn’t agree with the principles that guide what you do, how you do it, and why.

People often gloss over this fact when the relationship is new and they are looking at their partner with rose-colored glasses. However, when the haze of new love has faded and reality sets in, that’s when the rubber hits the road. “Real world” issues that can trigger these conversations include: 

  • Whether you plan to get married or not
  • What religion you follow
  • How you’re going to spend your money
  • Who pays for what
  • Whether you want kids

Unfortunately, you can’t sustain a relationship just because you are attracted to each other or you’re in love. It’s impossible to be in a long-term relationship when you are always going in different directions or going against one another’s values.

Eventually, when such a situation forces a relationship to fall apart, either one or both parties will see the relationship as a roadblock to the kind of life that they want or to their personal goals. Instead of having someone supporting you, you’ll have an antagonist instead.

Sometimes, someone will be willing to change their goals or adopt the values of the other person, but this is often the exception to the rule. (Also, it usually backfires and does not last.) However, if you broke up and your ex is continuing to pursue a different direction from yours, you can count on them continuing on that course without you.

6. You or Your Ex Has Moved On With Someone Else

One of the saddest things about breaking up is when you haven’t yet moved on but your ex is already in a relationship with someone new. Painful though it is, it’s a clear sign that you should stop yourself from imagining that you’ll get back together.

Regardless of how you feel, your ex is now invested in another relationship.

To help you cope, try to cut all your connections with your ex. This will help sink in the fact that they are no longer part of your life. Keeping communications open with your ex will only make it harder for you to move on. 

You can block your ex on social media or delete them from your contacts list. If you work in the same office or live nearby, try to arrange to be transferred to a different office or find ways to avoid running into one another too often. However, don’t stop there.

You should also foster other meaningful relationships, such as with family and close friends. By doing so, you’ll find that you’re actually not as alone as you think you are. You don’t have to be in a new relationship to feel better about yourself or to move on.

Just be open to the possibility when it does eventually arise.

If your marriage has failed, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

7. You Are Physically Distant From Each Other

When there is a significant physical distance between you and your ex, it will be harder to connect meaningfully. If you’re in different time zones, for example, there is a very small possibility of communication, and life without each other can easily become the norm.

If one of you has decided to move after the breakup, that’s a sign that they are serious about the break and are less likely to consider getting back together. 

Long-distance relationships can work, although they’re much more difficult. But when you physically distance yourself during a rough patch or after a breakup, you may essentially be closing the door on the relationship, because no good communication can happen when you are miles away from each other.

Sure, technology can help. But FaceTime is no substitute for a good, long (perhaps tearful) talk in person.

And if, aside from the physical distance, your ex is not showing signs of willingness to communicate with you (such as if they’re not responding to your messages), you should take it to mean that as far as they’re concerned, you’re no longer in the picture.

8. Your Relationship Has Suffered Irreparable Damage

Lastly, if your relationship has suffered irreparable damage, it may well be a chapter that has ended. Some examples of irreparable damage include: 

  • Serious and devastating financial issues
  • Abuse
  • Ruined relationships with family and friends

When there has been significant damage to the relationship, it’s hard to bounce back to normal.

Final thoughts

Rebuilding the pieces of your relationship may require more work than either of you is willing to do. Furthermore, if the problems that pushed you to break up are indeed grave, getting back together may no longer be worth it.

If this is the case, dust yourself up and learn from it.

But also try–at your own pace–to build what self-esteem or confidence you may have lost. When the cloud clears, you may realize that the end of your relationship could be the beginning that you never knew you needed.

You CAN save your relationship — even if you have already broken up.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Mend the Marriage does:

“Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to watch this free short video from Brad.

Jeff Campbell

Hi! I'm Jeff Campbell. I am a father and blogger and recently divorced. I love spending time with my 3 daughters and am still learning how to navigate life as a single dad and ex-husband; a life I didn't choose but have accepted.

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