25 Foolproof Tips to Win Your Wife Back After Separation

Statistics show that upwards of 50% of marriages end in divorce. So, if your wife has left and divorce is pending, here’s how to win your wife back during separation.

  1. Identify the underlying issue(s)
  2. Focus on being your best
  3. Allow space
  4. Don’t rush things
  5. Take ownership of your behavior
  6. Avoid putting pressure on her

But that is just a few key things. Below, we’ll review all of those and more in great detail.

Love is an emotion that can blossom when nurtured. There is also a tendency that it may dwindle with time. Love may be the bedrock of relationships. However, it is not the only pillar that can hold a relationship, especially marriage.

Factors like honesty, commitment, and trust are also essential to keep the marriage.

It is not uncommon for a married couple to fall out of love. This may be because they did not fan the flames of their relationship, and hence, their fire and passion went cold.

Suppose you are separated or divorced, and you cannot imagine living the rest of your life without your wife. This article is for you.

Read on to find tips to make your wife fall in love with you again.

You CAN save your relationship — even if you have already broken up.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Mend the Marriage does:

“Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to watch this free short video from Brad.

Tips to win your wife back after you’ve separated:

1. Identify the roots of the problem

It may be impossible to get your wife back if you do not understand the root of the separation or divorce. Suppose you somehow manage to get her back; it may not last, and this is because there is a lingering problem that needs to be identified and sorted.

You cannot fix what you don’t recognize as broken.

Therefore, the first step to making your wife want you back is identifying the problem(s). You can work with a book and a pencil or pen to list the actions or behaviors that may have had a negative impact on the relationship.

It also helps to reminisce on the good times so that the hurt or pain will not be overwhelming.

2. Work on yourself

One of the important things you can do is, be honest with yourself. You may be going through a hard time but do not try to emotionally blackmail her to get back with you.

Examine your contributions to the disintegration of your marriage.

However, this is not the time to be making promises that you may be unable to fulfill. In addition, do not try to justify, rationalize, or pass blames. Instead, own up to your mistakes and work on being a better person and spouse.

Suppose it is an issue you cannot handle on your own. You may seek professional help. For example, if you have drugs, alcohol, or gambling problems, you may need to work with a therapist to get better.

But focus on being the best version of you that you can be.

Many of us stop being true to ourselves in a long-term marriage. We stop going to the gym, put our hobbies on the back-burner, and don’t hang out with our friends very often.

In short, we stop being the person our wife fell in love with.

So get back to doing what brings you joy. Full disclosure: it might not attract your wife back. After all, that’s out of your control. But it will make you feel better about yourself. And it will ultimately set you up to attract the next great love of your life if that’s what is destined to happen.

3. It is not going to be easy

One of the first things to come to terms with is that you need to work hard to get her back. Common reasons a married couple may separate may be that they are growing apart, falling out of love, or lack respect. These changes do not occur overnight.

These happen gradually until they have destroyed a beautiful marriage.

Therefore, making her want you back will not happen overnight. You have put in the work, maybe twice as hard, to get her back. Additionally, you may need to work on building little things like trust and honesty in the relationship.

Hard work is required to nurture lost feelings to give you a good chance of winning her back.

4. Love yourself

It is okay to be mad at yourself for letting your wife slip away from you. However, if you want to get her back, you need to forgive yourself. Let go of the guilt so that you can direct your efforts at making her yours again.

Additionally, have fun. Build yourself to become someone she desires. You may pick up a new hobby. For example, if she loves to eat, you can learn two or three dishes to impress her.

It may be impossible to get her back if you keep wallowing in guilt.

Take care of yourself, get a nice haircut, use her favorite cologne, and look like a dish. Doing all these builds your confidence in making your wife fall in love with you again.

5. Some space is healthy

A married couple may benefit a great deal from some time apart. The separation may be what you need to evaluate your feelings and the future of the relationship. It may be hard to stay apart from someone you love, but necessary.

But it is true that if one of you has actually moved out, your chances of reconciliation do go down.

So ideally avoid that. But don’t smother her. Let her come to you when, and if, she chooses. If she gives any signs of possibly reconsidering, also avoid pressuring her to come back, or even to label your relationship.

You may still be married legally, but just date her as you did after the first meeting. Don’t pressure her to immediately jump back in where you left off. After all, if she was unhappy enough to leave, you don’t want to go back to what you had; you want it to be better than ever before.

And to get that, you have to do things differently.

One of the crucial things that can help you win your wife back is understanding the source of disagreement or hurt. That way, you may be able to understand her feelings better and give her the space she needs.

There are some things to avoid in this period. The first thing is to avoid coming off as aggressive. Also, do not follow her around like a lost puppy. Doing these things may push her away further from you.

6. Do not bombard her with calls and texts

Separation occurs because she cannot tolerate your attitude any longer. She has lost that spark. It tells you that she is not inclined to speak to you. So, do not be surprised or overly emotional when she does not respond to your calls or text messages.

In fact, smothering her, or bombarding her is a surefire way to push her away.

It is essential to get your emotions in check because you can push her further away if you do something rash in the heights of your emotions. Also, avoid displaying any domineering or controlling behaviors.

The only factor that you can control is yourself.

Suppose she does not pick up your calls after a few trials. This is a clear sign that she may not be ready to talk to you. Instead, leave a message like: Hi, how are you? I know you are upset, but can we please talk?

7. Make her feel heard

One of the common reasons that may cause separation is when a woman feels “unheard” or “misunderstood”.

Now that you are apart, you can show her that you are willing to listen to her. Let her know that her opinions matter and she is an important piece of your life you do not want to lose.

It helps to listen attentively when she is speaking.

Avoid interrupting her or turning the conversation into an argument. Instead, apologize for all the things she mentioned. Then, let her know you are willing to give everything to get her back.

Most guys don’t really listen.

We either just wait our turn to talk, thinking about our response while she is speaking. Or we immediately chime in and offer advice on how to fix the problem.

Women don’t like that.

And more importantly, it prevents them from feeling heard and understood. So instead give her all your attention. Don’t offer advice unless she asks for it specifically.

Do occasionally repeat back what you heard her say.

This will go the extra mile to make her feel heard. But it’s also a great way to make sure your interpretation is accurate.

8. Be patient

Patience is one of the little things you may need to make your wife fall back in love with you. She may be unresponsive to your attempts initially. This should not throw you off balance. Instead, it should steel your resolve to get her back.

It takes time for a marriage to decline and it will take time to fix it.

She may be processing her hurt and pain. Therefore, it is imperative that you are patient with her. Treat her like a precious fruit you are willing to water until it bears fruit.

If you are not patient, your emotions may betray you, which may ruin any chances of getting her back.

If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

9. Be romantic

The first step to winning your wife back is to be romantic.

Love is like a fire, and if you don’t continue adding dry woods, the flames will eventually die. You can capture her heart like you did the first time by understanding her love language.

Suppose she loves delicious food. You can take her out to dinner.

Go all out to woo her again, irrespective of how long you have been married. Send her flowers, take her to dinner, and send a good morning and good night text.

All of these will put a smile on her face. Additionally, it will serve as a reminder of all the good years. Your efforts will show your commitment to the relationship.

Just don’t overdue it.

Match and mirror her behavior. If you send a novel-length text and she replies back with 3 words that’s a clear sign you’re smothering her. Start sending much shorter texts.

If she takes an hour or more to reply, that likely means you’re sending too many texts. But also start to wait to reply to her texts.

Also, don’t do any of this with any expectation.

You go to a relationship to give without expectation. If you place expectations on her, your actions could be seen as a bribe for sex or that you’re trying to buy your way back into her heart.

Both of those will have the opposite reaction of what you want.

10. Avoid bringing up bad memories

Before separation, you must have hurt each other in one or more ways.

The next step is to bury the past once you are sure you want to get her back. Learn to forgive her and yourself. If any hurt is lingering, it may ruin any chances of getting her back.

You may be tempted to point fingers, but stress on it. Dwelling on the blame game will only cause more conflict, pushing her further away from you.

Instead, focus on the present and the future. The past is gone, and you cannot change it. However, you can make efforts to make today better. This will determine the future of your relationship with your wife.

11. Don’t yell or argue

It is important to keep your emotions in check during the separation period.

Being with someone for a long time and suddenly being apart may take a toll on your emotions. She may not be responsive initially but do not get angry.

Sometimes, she may get defensive.

Most likely, she is hurt and sad after thinking about all the fights and unpleasantness. Therefore, she is wary of your promises and your actions. During this separation period, you need to be patient and respond calmly.

This will improve your chances of making her fall in love with you.

Ultimately as a man, you need to be her safe space; her rock. If you lose your shit all the time and are emotionally unstable (even if she is), that makes her feel unsafe around you.

Women don’t stay with guys who make them feel unsafe.

Instead, stay calm even if she isn’t. Avoid arguing with her. Guys tend to argue using logic. Women use emotions and trying to rationalize her feelings will only piss her off.

Instead, just listen empathetically.

Put yourself in her shoes and try and understand her feelings. You don’t have to agree to understand where she’s coming from.

She may test you with anger to see if she can push you off your center.

Don’t let her. Keep your cool and just stay calm and focused on really hearing and understanding her. Now, do set and enforce healthy boundaries; I don’t want you to be her verbal or physical punching bag.

But avoid arguing or escalating at all costs.

12. Work on your communication skills

Poor communication is a common reason for marriage separation. Listening is an integral part of communication. Do not counter her words or make unnecessary interruptions, as this may push her further away from you.

When your wife is speaking, give her your undivided attention.

This allows you to grasp the hidden meaning in her words from her expression, tone, or gesture. Women are always discerning when you are not paying attention.

The next step after getting an audience is to ask what went wrong. It is essential that you hear from her. This allows you to fully comprehend the extent of damage that the relationship has suffered.

13. Do not make empty promises

This is the time to be clear with your words.

Let her know how much you mean to her. Be sincere in your words and let your actions complement them. For example, you promise her that your heart beats for her.

Then you are seen kissing another woman – your actions negate your words.

Instead, ask her questions like: what can I do to make it up to you? Work on rebuilding your relationship. The goal is to trust and enjoy each other’s company as the best friends that you once were.

Let her know she is beautiful and the best thing that has ever happened to you.

But ultimately, words don’t mean anything unless there is both action and time behind those words. So plan to stay true to your words and know that she will need to see your behavior and words in action for along period of time to believe you have changed.

14. Apologize

Love is not about who is wrong or right.

The separation period allows you to appreciate the emptiness you feel when your wife is not with you. Therefore, do not hesitate to apologize, especially when you are the one who did her wrong.

Love means apologizing when you are wrong.

Additionally, use specific words in your apology. Avoid saying: “I am sorry.” Instead, say, “I am sorry for hurting you, and I promise to do better.”

But having said that, apologize 1 time for specific things you did wrong and then move on.

Don’t apologize over and over again for the same thing. Ultimately, that makes you look weak and approval-seeking.

Assuming she is a normal, well-adjusted woman, that will look very unattractive to her.

15. Become friends

Many married couples claim to be best friends.

After a separation, there is a break in the friendship. The first step to getting your wife back is to build your friendship. Let her enjoy spending time with you and make her laugh. However, it is essential to maintain boundaries.

Try not to get carried away, so you do not push her away.

You may see it as the start of a new relationship. Therefore, be gentle, loving, charming, and woo her back. All the hate and hurt are replaced with great memories in no time.

That being said, don’t accept her putting you in the friend zone.

Lovers can be best friends. But you don’t want her to see you like she sees her friends. You need to make it clear (without pressure) that you are only interested in a romantic relationship.

It’s totally fine if it starts with rebuilding a friendship as long as it’s moving towards romance.

16. Resist negative thoughts

She may say hurtful words to you. This may be because she is hurt and wants you to feel some hurt.

In situations like this, do not get angry or discouraged. Instead, you should be prepared for similar situations. During a difficult time, maintain your calm. Give her the time she needs to heal. This is the best way to get through to her.

She will appreciate your efforts eventually.

Encourage yourself with positive affirmations each morning. It will help boost your morale. Do not allow negative thoughts as they can make you say or do things that you may regret.

17. Let your actions speak for you

Something I always say to people is to talk less and act more. When you talk more, you may make promises beyond your abilities.

Like they say: where there is a will, there is a way. If you genuinely want to get your wife back, you need to make consistent efforts. Put in work to show her how special she is. Let her know she is the most precious gem in your life.

Putting in good efforts can help you get your wife back before someone else sweeps her away.

18. Let her see the change in you

A married couple may agree to go on a trial separation. Often, separation may be a good idea when you make a mistake that drives a significant wedge in the marriage.

While it is good to apologize, it is more important to show forth the change. After all, words are fairly meaningless as anyone can say anything.

But when you change your actions consistently over time, it shows her that you are indeed capable of change.

That, in turn, lowers her fear and anxiety and increases her level of trust. And that HAS to happen for her to want to come back.

For example, if alcohol addiction is the problem, telling her you’re going to quit won’t do much of anything. But if you quit drinking completely and start regularly going to AA meetings, over time, that shows her just how serious you are.

You can stop drinking, which may make your wife fall in love with you again. Additionally, don’t be shy to seek help from family members.

19. Show her the respect you want to get

Respect is one of the little things that keep the bonds of marriage. A lack of respect is one of the clear signs that something is wrong in the relationship.

Suppose your wife does not want to see you. You can stop coming by for a few days. Instead, you can divert your efforts to sending text messages and flowers.

Additionally, do not speak ill of your wife to your friends, family members, and kids. Although divorce rates are high, many couples reconcile because of their kids.

But how many of these marriages get better eventually?

You would be surprised at the number of marriages that still end up in divorce. You can read a recent article where I looked at the exact percentages and statistics. But I also shared the 1 tip that can improve the odds by 20% or more!

Just click that link to read it on my site.

20. Spend quality time together

Spending quality time together can create a good chance of mending the relationship.

Of course, quality time is one of the 5 love languages. So, this is less important if that’s not one of her love languages. But if it is, it’s a great way to earn a second chance.

However, this may be more complicated than it sounds. If the separation was ugly, it might be challenging to spend time together.

In this case, forgiveness is the priority.

When you finally convince her to spend time with you, make sure it is worth her time. You may arrange a surprise dinner or visit one of her favorite spots. Avoid arguments and keep her happy throughout.

If the date goes well, it improves your chances of getting a positive answer the next time you ask. She will gradually warm up to you, and you are one step closer to getting her back.

21. Be honest with yourself

Working on yourself is a good thing, and it may be the first step to getting your wife back. However, do not lose yourself in the process. Be yourself and stay true to who you are. This helps you do better when you find yourself in a similar situation.

Avoid faking any changes for the sake of getting her back. It will be difficult to keep up with the fake changes when she eventually accepts you.

As a result, the marriage will eventually come to an irreparable end.

22. Commitment and Consistency

Commitment and consistency play key roles in making your wife ball back in love with you. Remember that you do not need to force or rush anything. Take baby steps and allow her to adjust to the pace of your new relationship.

She may not be very responsive. However, your consistency and commitment are clear signs that you are serious. Suppose you plan to send a good morning text, be consistent at it.

Additionally, always remind yourself that you can’t fight fire with fire. You need to be consistent and patient in your actions to get her back.

23. Marriage Counseling

Some issues may be difficult to resolve on your own. You may seek the help of a marriage counselor to help get your wife back. There is a good chance that involving a professional can help get things back on track.

Men are not usually very expressive of their pain or hurt, especially in the presence of a third party.

Therefore, you can score points by suggesting marriage therapy. The therapist offers guidance and support to a married couple to find their way back together. Therapy creates a safe space for couples to talk about issues in a calm environment.

Once you are making progress with therapy, there is a good chance that your relationship will get back on track.

24. Be conscious of your mental health

Trying to get your wife back after a separation is a good thing. However, be careful not to lose yourself in the process. Many men lose their sense of direction, purpose, and worth in an attempt to get their spouses back.

Even when the mistake is from you, don’t let guilt eat you up to a dangerous level. No one is perfect, so mistakes can happen sometimes.

Therefore, be intentional about the change in you.

Additionally, it is essential to forgive yourself. This allows you to see yourself in a better light which may influence how your spouse perceives the “new you.”

25. Never Give Up

Getting your wife back after some separation is never an easy thing. There will be distractions and discouragements along the way. However, it is best to focus on the bigger picture.

It may help to ask yourself: if I give up now, can I live with myself? If the answer to your question is not positive, then you need to keep pushing.

Common reasons for separation include infidelity, lying, or violence. You cannot expect your wife to welcome you with open arms immediately.

As long as you are making progress, irrespective of how little, do not give up just yet. This will convince your spouse that you are committed and willing to do whatever is necessary to get the relationship back on track.


The first thing to take away from this article is that making your wife want you back will not be easy. The first step is to establish a cordial relationship.

You will be surprised at how many couples remain friends after separation because of their kids. You can read a recent article to know more about the importance of remaining friends. But how often do exes who become friends get back together?

Just click that link to read it on my site.

The next step is to work on yourself and do away with pride and jealousy. If you want your wife to love you again, you must love yourself. Also, invest some time in yourself. This is because your health is important.

Your wife will not accept you if you look rough or your mental health deteriorates.

Follow these steps and put in consistent efforts. Don’t give up; you have a good chance of getting your wife back!

You CAN save your relationship — even if you have already broken up.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure. Mend the Marriage is a course developed by renowned marriage expert Brad Browning who has well over half a million subscribers on his YouTube channel.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Mend the Marriage does:

“Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as the #1 choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to watch this free short video from Brad.

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