Divorce can be brutal. If your wife has left you or is threatening to leave you, you’ll need to work hard to get her back. Here’s how to get your wife back after she leaves you:
- Focus on being the best version of you that you can be
- Don’t nag, beg, or plead with her to return
- Get back to doing the things that bring you joy (what made her fall in love with you originally)
- Don’t get angry with her about leaving
- Do let her see the progress you’re making
- Avoid making promises to her (actions speak louder than words)
- Be patient and forgiving
- See a marriage counselor or marriage coach with her if she is willing
Believe it or not, a rocky patch in your marriage could be a good thing.
That’s because it’s a huge wake-up call to show that you are not doing your job as a husband. Let’s have a look at how you can get your wife back and keep her.
Why do wives leave their husbands?
The two most common reasons why wives leave their husbands are because the husband shows a lack of appreciation or the couple undergoes financial problems. Other reasons include different goals and visions, abuse, the husband not prioritizing, cheating, and the husband not being present.
Sometimes it is the case that the husband is being too controlling or possessive. Let’s have a closer look at each reason.
1. Lack of appreciation
This is one of the places where men fail big time. We are not appreciative enough of our wives. Taking your wife for granted is one of the worst things you can do as a husband. How would you feel if your wife never said thank you to you, even though you are working 8 hours a day to provide for her?
You would be annoyed, right?
Well, for women, it’s even worse. You see, women are emotional creatures, and when you don’t thank them, they feel used. Make sure you thank your wife after she does something for you, no matter how small it is.
And every once in a while, surprise her. Buy her flowers or take her out to eat. Make it clear that you are being kind to her because you appreciate her. Now and then, send her text messages to show appreciation and love.
2. Financial issues
So many marriages fail because of financial issues.
When I talk about financial issues, I’m not on about how you’re going to pay the bills. The biggest money problem in marriage is when the partners are not on the same page.
For example, if your wife is a meticulous saver and investor, but you think it is reasonable to spend half your salary on a nice car. You have to openly discuss finances with your wife. Make sure you both agree on what is important and what is not.
3. Different goals and visions
You have to have similar goals in life.
Not exactly the same. The point is you need direction. Do you guys want to have your own business and travel the country? Or do you want to become corporate employees and live in the city? Do you both want the same number of children, if any?
When a couple has different visions and goals in life, it can put pressure on the marriage. Speak to your wife. Ask her what her goals in life are and tell her about yours. If you have different goals, then compromise.
Abuse is a huge no-no in marriage and is totally unacceptable. You may think you are not abusing your wife simply because you have never hit her. But abuse comes in many forms. It can be financial abuse, physiological, or emotional. A lot of abusers don’t even realize they are harming their partners.
Think about what you are doing. If you notice a change in your wife’s behavior for the worse, ask her what’s up. Make her feel comfortable and safe, and tell her you won’t get angry.
Then she may tell you what you’re doing that she doesn’t like.
5. Your priorities are not right
If you are a grown man that has a wife and kids, you cannot be spending your whole day at work then go out with your friends. You have to spend time with your family, showing them love and appreciation. You should also show interest in your wife’s passions.
The best place for a man to be when he is not working to provide is his home. Spend time with your family.
Prioritizing spans way beyond how you spend your time. You have to spend your time, money, resources, and everything else in the right way.
Prioritizing comes with maturity. This is one of the reasons why marriages fail when the spouses are too young.
6. You have an addiction
If you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, porn, or anything else detrimental, it hurts your family. Many wives leave their husbands because their addiction harms the husband. If a wife loves her husband, it can be too painful for her to watch him hurt himself.
Hence, why the wives of gamblers and drug addicts leave. It is hard work to live with someone that does not look after themselves.
There is no excuse for cheating in marriage. Cheating often occurs because you are bored in your marriage or because you have a single impulsive feeling that you act upon. The bad news is that most affairs come to an end.
Don’t destroy your marriage and wife’s life by cheating on her in the first place. If you are unsatisfied with your marriage, then you need to talk to her. If your wife is the problem, then consider going to a marriage counselor for professional advice.
8. Not spending time with your wife
There are different love languages.
A love language is how you express love for someone and how you receive love. For example, the love language for most women is time. If you spend a lot of time with your wife, it will make her feel loved. This is great for your marriage.
If you don’t spend time with your wife, it can make her feel like the people you are spending your time with are more important than her. That’s not good. If you want your wife to stay with you, your wife should be your best friend, and she needs to know it.
A happy marriage depends on the two partners spending time together.
9. The husband is too controlling or possessive
As men, we are supposed to be the providers and protectors of our families. The problem is that some men take this too seriously. Don’t be controlling of your wife.
If you stop her from going out with her friends, visiting her family, or even using social media, you are a controlling husband. Of course, your wife may have bad friends or an abusive family or may be addicted to social media.
In that case, you need to speak to her like she is an adult. Explain that some things are not good for her and that you worry about her well-being. If you want your wife to stay with you, then you have to protect her in a loving and soft way.
Don’t go overboard and allow jealousy to make your wife’s life miserable. You’ll just give her a hard time.
10. You don’t act like a man
Modern society teaches us that men should be sensitive, emotional, and, well… feminine. That’s not true. You have to show your wife that you are a mature, strong, competent provider and protector.
Whether women say it out loud or not, this is what they truly desire. Act like a man. Take control of your finances, look after your health, and set your priorities right. Don’t be overly emotional or sensitive.
Everything you do needs to be rational and logical. If you do this, your wife will adore you and never think of leaving you.
How to prevent your wife from leaving you
If you want to prevent your wife from leaving you, you have to remain attractive to her.
You also have to fulfill her emotional needs and be the best thing in her life. If you and your wife are like-minded, have clear goals, and agree on the direction of your lives and marriage, your wife will stay with you.
It sounds simple right? Not really. You see, marriage is like a machine. It needs maintenance. And a lot of it. Let’s have a closer look at what you need to do to stop your wife from leaving you.
1. You have to be attractive to her
Attraction is not just about sex and desire. Attraction is where you have a characteristic or quality that your wife wants. For different people, this can mean different things.
If a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mother, then an attractive man is someone that has a successful business. This is because he is a competent provider, which makes her feel secure. It also shows her that you can look after her and your children.
If a woman fears being attacked, then an attractive man would be a fit man that is trained in martial arts. This is because he will make her feel safe and secure when they are out and about.
You can tell whether your wife is attracted to you or not.
If your wife avoids conflict with you, smiles at you a lot, and beautifies herself for you, she is trying to be attractive and feminine. This is because you are doing something that she finds attractive, and she wants you to keep doing it.
The trouble is, she might not actually say out loud what she finds attractive in you. This may keep you guessing. But the solution is simple – just ask her what is attractive in a man!
Don’t worry about changing yourself and becoming someone you’re not just to please her. But if you are already doing something she finds attractive, do more of it!
When you do this, your wife will be willing to overlook your shortcomings, and she is more likely to stay with you.
2. Appreciate your wife
We have already mentioned that women thrive off your appreciation.
I don’t advise you to thank your wife after each and every little thing you do and treat her like a princess. This is going to subconsciously teach your wife that she only has to do things for you if you are going to give something back.
But if your wife has a habit of doing something positive that benefits you, thank her for it from time to time. For example, if your wife is a great mother, give her a ticket to a spa and say, “this is a little something for you for being such an amazing mother to my children”.
This small acknowledgment can do wonders for a marriage. Appreciation is the fuel of your wife’s goodness. So, if you want her to stay with you, learn to say thank you more, both in words and gestures!
3. Verbally communicate with your wife
This may sound obvious, but you should not just be saying “hello” and “goodbye” to your wife. You need to have deeper conversations with her. Talk about both of your hobbies, goals, likes, and dislikes. Reveal small secrets to each other.
This can help create a special bond between partners. Remind her that in a world where there are 8 billion people, she is the only person you feel comfortable talking to. This is sure to make her feel really special.
In addition to having intimate conversations with your wife, you should praise and thank her at least once a day. When talking to your wife, be respectful and soft.
The reason I say to talk to your wife like this is that to find a man that is good at communicating is rare. Let alone a man that can communicate and understand the emotions and thoughts of his wife. If you can master this art, your wife will become so attached to you.
She would never think of abandoning you!
Understanding and learning your wife’s love language is so important if you want to thrive as a couple. How does your wife desire to be loved? Let her grow in her sense of being loved and in her capacity to be loving. In blessing her, you will both be blessed. pic.twitter.com/YnAQQGTfFc
— Impactus | Promise Keepers Canada (@impactusmen) February 18, 2022
4. Learn your wife’s love language
A love language is how someone gives and receives love. Learn what your wife likes. Does she like words of praise, physical touch, or gifts, or does she like it when you help her?
Saying that you love your wife is great, but if you want to really connect with her and make her yours for life, you have to understand her love language. You also have to be able to show love to her through her love language.
My love language is food. I would cook for my wife to show I loved her. And when she cooked for me, I would love it. I have no idea why. It was just my love language, I suppose.
5. Set common goals
I have said earlier that one of the reasons why marriages fail is because the partners have totally different goals. Ideally, you should have talked about this with your wife before you got married to make sure you are compatible. However, if you jumped the gun a little and got married before these discussions, you should talk about goals as soon as possible.
Ask your wife what her aspirations in life are. Does she want children? A career? A business? Mabey she has a passion that she wants to pursue. Whatever your wife wants to do, support her if it is good.
When you and your wife are on the same page and both encourage each other, you create a special friendship. If you and your wife are striving towards the same thing, then you will have less conflict in your marriage.
I’m not saying your life will be sunshine and rainbows. But your wife won’t want to leave you if you are the only person on the planet that wants the same thing she wants.
6. Attract your wife
If things are getting a little rocky in your marriage, think about why that is. Have you changed since you got married? Have you changed for better or for worse?
Ask your wife why she married you, and then act upon what she says. If she says she married you because you were adventurous, then that’s how you attract her. If she says, she married you because you were mature, then set your priorities right.
Every woman has different unique tastes. These differences in desires occur because different women have experienced different things in life. Therefore, they want different qualities in their long-term partners.
If you can attract your wife again, you heavily reduce the chances of your wife leaving you in the first place.
‘Bachelor’ Creator Mike Fleiss Reconciles with Wife Laura: Mike Fleiss says he and his wife have buried the hatchet and are on the road to reconciliation after a nasty divorce ensued between them this summer. The ‘Bachelor’ creator tweeted out the news in a statement Sunday,… pic.twitter.com/wu8FCd4oNg
— – (@COUPSLEADER) November 4, 2019
Do wives ever come back after separation?
Wives sometimes do come back after separation, although it is rare. The likelihood of your wife coming back after separation depends on why she left you in the first place. If your wife left you because of her own mistake, she is more likely to come back.
If your wife left you because you made a mistake, she is less likely to come back. Let’s have a look at the types of situations where a wife is more likely to return to her husband.
We are only human, and nobody is perfect.
Although, more often than not, it is the woman that files for divorce, sometimes a man may file for divorce because of something the wife has done. If you are in this situation and are starting to regret it, here’s what you need to do.
Firstly, forgive your wife. Tell her that you are willing to put what happened behind. Don’t tell your wife that what she did was okay. Because if your wife did something crazy like hit you, that’s not okay, and she needs to know it. This is so that it does not happen again.
Not forgiving your spouse is one of the most dangerous things you can do in marriage. Over time it will lead to resentment building between the spouses. If you constantly hold onto the small mistakes your wife makes, then you are never going to move forward as a couple.
Here are some common mistakes that wives make that lead to the breakdown of a marriage:
- Cheating – women are emotional and impulsive by nature. Therefore, if they meet an attractive person, they may immediately fall into a limerent relationship with them. Limerence is the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling and is not to be confused with true love.
- Neglect – we all have things that occupy our time. Your wife may have been busy with her education, business, career, or family and, as a result, did not spend much time with you. In the end, this led to the breakdown of the marriage.
- Abuse – if your wife has abused you, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or in any other way, you may have felt forced to walk away. If your wife has abused you in the past, you should be very wary of taking her back. It could just happen again, but worse. Make sure she has really changed for the better.
- The wife has a bad habit – these days, people fall into dangerous habits, such as drug abuse, drinking too much alcohol, and pornography. If your wife does this, it can negatively change her physical health and her overall attitude as a person. This can lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
Now, if you are going to get your wife back after a situation like this, you have to make sure first that she has changed for the better. If she has done bad things to you in the past, you have to ensure that she sincerely regrets it.
If she does not regret the past, then there is a high likelihood of your marriage failing again. This is only going to waste more of your time and money. It will also lead to more heartache, and there is no need for it.
Only make an effort to keep your wife if you are 100% certain that your life is going to be better with her than without her.
If your wife still loves you, then you have a better chance
If, at the time of your separation, your wife still had feelings for you, then the chances of her wanting to come back are higher. Women are a lot more emotional than men. It is not easy to get a woman to love you properly, but when she does, she won’t want you to go.
If you know that your wife was strongly attracted to you during your marriage, then you can try and bring her back. This may not work if you were the reason why the marriage failed though.
You see, we live in a society where people are always taking advantage of women. Women are the victims of scams, violent attacks, and abuse. (Men are too, but women have it worse, I think). For this reason, women are very selective about who they trust. It is not easy to win your wife’s heart.
If you have been married for many years, and you are the only man your wife knows properly, she will want to come back to you. So the first step to getting your wife back is to make sure you are a transparent and open person that she can trust.
She would struggle to find someone to trust other than you if you were her loyal best friend.
If your wife had no respect for you, then she probably won’t come back
Many women leave their husbands because they don’t have respect for them. In marriage, the number one thing a wife needs is love. But the number one thing the man needs is respect. If the man is not respected by the wife, then the marriage is bound to fail.
Some signs that your wife did not respect you at the time of separation include:
- She would ignore you – when a wife respects her husband, she looks up to him. Therefore, she listens to what he has to say and acknowledges it. Now I’m not saying a respectful wife is a totally submissive wife that does everything you say. But if your wife did not acknowledge your input, she did not respect you.
- Your wife was always disagreeing – following on from my first point, your wife should understand that you are her rock. You will provide for her and protect her with your life if you have to. Therefore, your wife should stay out of your way when you make personal decisions. She should listen to you when making joint decisions.
- Your wife was rude – if your wife said things like “shut up”, or insulted you, or ignored you, this is a huge sign of disrespect. If it was a one-off when she was in a bad mood, don’t worry about it. But if it was persistent towards the end of your marriage, she probably won’t come back.
- She did not respect you or your things – if your wife used to take your car without asking for your money and other possessions, this is disrespectful unless you consented to it. I know a rule of marriage is that what’s yours is hers, but would you take things from her without asking. If your wife did not treat you how she wanted to be treated, this is disrespect.
- She cheated on you – if you have made sacrifices for your wife, and then she cheats on you, she clearly does not appreciate you.
The question is, why do women disrespect their husbands in the first place? Well, I have been in a similar situation, and my wife basically said it’s because I wasn’t strong-charactered enough. You have to find a balance as a husband.
You don’t want to rule like a dictator, but you should not be a “simp” either. Learn to respectfully disagree with your wife from time to time and hold your ground when making decisions. Be your own person, and don’t let anyone change you. But of course, still, be kind to your wife.
If your wife left because of her own mistake, she may want to come back
There are periods in life when we just can’t invest into a full-time relationship, and as a result, marriages may come to an end. These situations include studying, starting a business, and during difficult family issues.
If your marriage broke down because your wife could not spend much time with you, things may get better. That is, of course, if the thing stopping her from investing in the marriage has passed.
So if your wife has graduated, resolved her family matters or other issues, then she may come back. It may actually be a good idea to take her back. This is because a mature woman will understand the value of time and will be less likely to leave you again.
If you wife has moved on really quickly, she probably won’t come back
For some reason, when a woman leaves a relationship, men pounce on them! This can lead to a woman moving on very quickly after a marriage ends. If your wife has got a new guy, has maybe moved to a new city, or just generally having a good time, she probably does not regret what happened.
She probably won’t come back.
Mauro Icardi is doing everything he can to win back his wife Wanda… pic.twitter.com/iI0zDwN758
— ODDSbible (@ODDSbible) October 20, 2021
How do you make your separated wife want you back?
To make your separated wife want you back, you need to apologize if you were in the wrong.
After that, work on yourself. Become a high-value man and show that you don’t need her to be happy. Women find self-sustaining men very attractive, and your wife will come back to you.
The first thing to remember about this is that it is going to take time. If your wife still hasn’t left you and you guys are still in the divorce process, you have a much better chance. Nevertheless, it could take a long time for your wife to start seeing the good in you again or regretting her mistakes.
Let’s have a closer look at what you have to do to get your wife back and keep her.
1. Don’t talk to her
It sounds counter-intuitive since you are trying to get her back.
However, talking to your wife can make you seem like you are trying to get her attention and validation. This is not attractive. It is actually known as push behavior. I’ll talk more about what not to do later in this article.
The only time you should talk to your wife at the moment is if you are going to apologize to her. If you have done something bad, you have to apologize like a man. Don’t bother telling her you are a “changed man”, because she won’t believe you. But you can tell her you are going to try and change, then walk away.
Also, you can communicate with your wife about important things like looking after children if you have them.
2. Work on yourself
The only way you are going to win your wife back is by attracting her back.
Love and attraction are two different things. You cannot love someone if you have left them. But you can like someone for their characteristics and qualities. Love only happens between two compatible people.
To become more attractive, you should start working out, learning new things, and just generally become a better man. Also, be wary of how you treat others and talk to them. Even if you are not already divorced, I highly recommend you read this recent article on my site.
I talk about 19 things you can do to become a better man. I guarantee that if you do just two or three of the things on this list, you will become irresistibly attractive to your wife.
3. Make yourself known
Your wife knows you, of course. But I strongly recommend posting on social media once your wife leaves you. This is because it will give you an opportunity to manifest your good qualities to your wife without seeming clingy and unattractive talking to her.
Don’t post useless things or funny things. Don’t post personal things either. No one cares what you ate for lunch. But having a social media account where you teach people about something can be highly attractive. Maybe you love traveling, so you could start a travel account giving travel tips.
Maybe you have a skill like business, so you make informational business content. Make sure you show your face on social media. These platforms constantly recommend “people you know”, so your wife will be bound to see you.
With these social media posts, you can show your wife your attractive qualities.
If you are adventurous, intelligent, funny, or just generally come across as a reasonable person online, it can make your wife regret leaving you. This increases the chances of her coming back.
4. Become desirable
Many wives leave their husbands because they don’t feel attracted to them. You should therefore try to become a top 1% man. Work on a business, get a better job, travel, work out, and learn. I guarantee that you will feel so much better.
Also, it will help you get closer to your wife without having to talk to her. People that she knows will talk about you to her behind your back. You want them to say good things to increase the chances of her coming back.
Any man can become a solid 7 or 8 out of ten. A lot of men don’t work out, eat like rubbish, watch too much TV, are broke, and have a bad habit or two we need to fix. Just ironing out these flaws can turn you from zero to hero within months!
5. Completely stop all bad habits
Stop everything that is detrimental to you.
If you overeat, drink alcohol, watch too much TV, or abuse drugs, you have to stop. Your wife will never come back until you do. Your wife may not know that you have dropped those habits, but your success will show that.
If you stop your bad habits, I guarantee that you will become wealthier, healthier, have more free time, and be happier. You will be more focused and have the energy to work on yourself more. This will be very attractive to your wife, and she will be more likely to come back.
6. Attend marriage counseling
Going to a relationship professional to discuss issues with your wife is a great idea.
Just make sure that you go to a marriage counselor with a lot of experience and a good reputation. During marriage counseling, you have to be honest and respectful when communicating.
Don’t start arguing with your wife. You are there to help each other. It is not divorce court!
#BodyLanguage Tell: Men commonly grow beards after or during a divorce when they cheated on their spouse. In the context of divorce, this practice also betrays:
— Dr. Jack Brown (@DrGJackBrown) January 6, 2020
What not to do when trying to get your wife back
Being clingy is the best way to make your wife not want to come back to you. This shows that you want her validation, and it is not attractive.
The main reason why men tend to be clingy after marriage is because of regret and fear of missing out.
You regret what you did to your wife that caused her to leave you. And now you fear that she is going to move on, and you will live the rest of your life without her.
You must never beg your wife to stay. Also, don’t start playing the blame game. This is going to make her annoyed, and she will never feel attracted to you again.
And finally, don’t be friends with your wife after she leaves you. And don’t have female friends full stop. This is because when you have female friends, you automatically make yourself look like the “friend zone” guy. Women are going to think of you as their “brother”, and not as their romantic partner.
To make your relationship work, you are going to have to bring about positive changes to yourself. Do the right things, such as apologize, work on yourself and stop your bad habits.
Some reasons why your wife may leave you are due to financial issues and poor communication. It could be totally your fault, for example, if you have an addiction or are abusive. It could be your wife’s fault too.
To prevent your wife from leaving you, you have to be attractive to her, appreciate her, and fulfill her emotional needs. Learn your wife’s love language, and make sure you guys are on the same track with your life goals.
If your wife leaves you, the chances of your wife coming back depend on why she left you in the first place. If your wife still loves you or left because of her own mistake, she may come back.
If your wife left because she did not like you or because you made mistakes, then she probably won’t.
Either way, the only way to make your wife fall for you again is to diffuse the tension between you. And then work on yourself and be attractive in all aspects of life. Be financially strong, responsible, and fit. You should also seek the professional help of a marriage counselor.
Sometimes, there is simply no way that a marriage can be repaired.
Check out this recent article on my site, where I talk about the top 35 unmistakable signs that your marriage is over. But I also cover the 1 sure sign it can be saved!
Just click that link to read it on my site!