How to Get Your Husband Back After He Leaves You

Written by Jeff Campbell in Reconciliation Last Updated December 29, 2023

So your husband left you – now you find that you have regrets, doubts, and hope that seems to be fading away by the second. Can the marriage be saved? Here’s how to get your husband back after he leaves you.

  1. Avoid nagging, pleading, begging, or getting angry
  2. Employ the no-contact rule – Respond to all contact, but avoid initiating any contact for a minimum of 40 days
  3. Focus on being the best version of you that you can be
  4. When you do have conversations, take 100% ownership and responsibility for your role in the demise of the marriage
  5. If he reaches out, avoid putting pressure on him to reconcile – Instead, just focus on spending quality time together
  6. Listen empathetically when he speaks about his feelings – avoid the urge to defend yourself or correct him

But those are just a handful of the tips we’ll be getting into.

Watching your marriage go downhill and your husband leave you can be very painful. This leaves you wondering why it happened, if he’ll ever come back and if you can do anything to change his mind.

It’s especially hard when you think about all the good times you shared and the years of marriage spent building a life together. Whether your husband simply asked for space or has a new relationship, there’s no easy way to process this period.

There are different approaches to touching your husband’s heart and making him return to you even when he has walked away. In this comprehensive article, we’ll go into detail, exploring all the options you have to get your husband back.

Woman stood up in a coffee shop

How often do husbands come back after separation?

The answer to this question will vary for every marriage, and it will significantly depend on your relationship. It will also depend on what caused your separation and how much effort you’re willing to commit to seeing things work out.

In some cases, separation is a good idea to help you and your spouse take a breather and see things from a different perspective. If you stay separated for some time, your spouse could have a new understanding of your union and develop a greater appreciation for your company.

So, it would be wise to consider it seriously if you wanted your spouse to reconcile with you after separation. You must be willing to put in the hard work to improve your relationship and find a solution to whatever the problem is.

Consider the important factors that could strengthen your relationship even more while you recline. Reconciliation should not be rushed. To rekindle the passion in your relationship, give it some thought and take your time.

It’s not uncommon to see that some couples can get back together after a separation, against all odds, and start a new life.

According to marriage.com, 13 percent of couples can get back together, whereas 87 percent of couples eventually terminate their marriage in divorce.

So the best scenario is to reconcile before one of you has actually moved out.

It might seem unlikely, and the odds might outweigh whatever hope you have left. Still, if you find that your heart isn’t quite ready to let go, you can continue to do your best to see that your husband returns to you.

This will depend ‌on his reception of your efforts, the situation, and the underlying cause of the separation. If the will is there for both parties and the situation allows it, you and your husband can work things out and get back together after separation.

How do you make your husband miss you and want you back?

As unhelpful as it might sound, getting your husband to miss you and want you back starts from within yourself. I don’t doubt that you’ve heard some variant of this – “go to the gym”, “change your look”, “try to be more attractive”, then maybe he’ll want you.

While that makes only a small percentage of what you can do, the actual work is working on yourself internally. The physical aspect might have to take a backseat first.

Here are 6 things you can do to make your husband miss you and want you back:

  1. Give Him Some Time and Space

I’m not asking you to forgive him right away or forget all that has happened in an instant. If it were that easy, this piece would not be needed.

If he cheated on you, you will mostly feel hurt, broken, betrayed, angry, and lied to – there’s no denying those feelings. Your first reaction might be to beg your husband to mend the marriage.

That’s probably one of the least effective ways to approach the situation if he’s mentally and emotionally checked out. Give your partner some space and time to think things through while you do the same.

The last thing you need to do is apply pressure, as it might make him more likely to withdraw and stop responding.

This isn’t the time to chew him out and capitalize on all the wrong things he did and how badly things have gone.

Take advantage of the time the separation has given you to breathe and reflect on your ultimate goal – getting him back. This will be one of the most important things to help in the coming period.

If he “unilaterally” decides that he wants a separation, you’ll need to find out how to halt any divorce proceedings and win him back.

  1. Change your Perspective

You can’t force your husband to change or to come back.

There’s no ultimate “right thing” or “right words” you can do or say that will control him into walking right back into your arms. Right now, all you can control is what happens within you. This will require you to make changes and ask yourself many questions.

You’ll first need to understand that love is not enough to make your marriage work. Once the honeymoon phase ends and your rose-tinted glasses come off, your life will begin to look monotonous and maybe a little boring.

Many people may say this means that the love has faded.

But sometimes the love with you has faded because your husband is in limerence (intense infatuation) with another woman.

But limerence ALWAYS ends. How quickly will it end in your case? Check out this recent article on how to know when limerence has come to an end and wonder whether your spouse can come back to you after being in limerence in an extramarital affair.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

On the contrary, marriages take effort and love because your relationship requires continuous investment.

Without changing the way you feel towards the situation – anger, bitterness, regret – you may not make as much progress as you’d like even if you get back together. This is the time to look at the positive aspects of this situation.

Remind yourself that there is still hope and maintain your individuality, despite the challenges. You want to become the best version of yourself that he can love, miss, and respect.

3. Communicate: Listen to Him and Understand Who He Is Now

As a wise soul once said, “marriage is a two-way street.”You’ll need to change your perspective to understand better what has happened to your marriage from your own eyes and through his as well.

It’s easy to relate with your husband based on who you think he has always been.

In reality, you are human beings who can’t read each other’s minds. People’s personalities become more complex as they grow and evolve. Communication is key, and that rule has never failed.

The first step to communicating is setting proper boundaries.

Speak with all honesty and listen to him. You’ll need difficult conversations to get your husband back from the other woman. Even when there is no one else, this doesn’t make these talks any easier. Ensure you understand who he is now, his perspective, and what changed for him.

This will give you less of a hard time as you confront the problems.

Avoid complaining, nagging, or pushing the blame back and forth. Listen to him as is and if you think it’s necessary, do so with professional help – a relationship coach, etc. This is the time to learn his love language and how to communicate with it correctly.

Often, married couples fall out because they do not speak a love language their spouse understands and appreciates. You’ll need to learn his love language to get your husband back.

  1. Focus on Yourself

It might seem daunting to do this. However, focusing on your happiness and inner peace will be crucial in projecting the same into your marriage. Despite the tremendous heartbreak you’re feeling right now, make yourself laugh and feel inspired, happy, and alive.

If you have family members around, take some time to visit and find support. Be wary of things that may subconsciously feed negativity into your mind – this could be nay-sayers in your life, negative content on social media, or even the annoying little voice in your head.

Even when it seems like your life is on fire, you can take back control of it by choosing to give yourself some joy sometimes.

It’s an essential step to recovering what is yours: a fulfilling life with a fun, loving, monogamous marriage. Happiness attracts love and positivity, so invest in things that make you feel good.

Your husband will see these positive changes and great energy, and he will miss you.

  1. Take Ownership of Your Wrongs and Stop Digging The Past

It’s easy to want to push the blame around and avoid taking responsibility for your actions. This doesn’t help anybody, though. Ensure that you acknowledge your role in the marriage’s collapse without negative things getting in the way.

This is also the time to practice forgiveness despite the hurt that may have happened in the past. Allow yourself to forgive, get over the past, and focus on new things to make your future together brighter.

  1. Be Consistent

Don’t give up. As long as there is a will, there is hope.

Keep working on improving yourself and understanding your husband better. Things may get super difficult, and many times, you will be tempted just to give up. You will be pleased to stay consistent when he returns to you.

If you have spiritual leanings, you can also employ the law of attraction to get your husband back.

Not sure how that works? Check out my recent article on the law of attraction and tips for getting your ex back. I walk you through the process step-by-step, including the 1 thing to absolutely avoid.

Other useful tips include:

  • Recreating good memories
  • Changing your appearance to look more confident and pretty
  • Offer to spend quality time together
  • Apologize sincerely
  • Be nice and easy to please (Acknowledge when he makes an effort and appreciate him)

What are the signs my husband will come back?

Sometimes, both parties are willing to make it work.

Sometimes, he does miss you as much as you miss him. Many things can get in the way, including pride, lack of communication, and varying perspectives. So, how do you know if your husband will come back? Beyond looking into a crystal ball, there’s no way to tell.

However, here are a few signs to watch out for:

  1. He pays attention to the family

Your spouse will likely leave the family while you are in the midst of a divorce. He may not even be aware that he has inadvertently created a rift between himself and the family. Once he starts being attentive to you and your kids, if you have any, this is a clear sign that he’s still willing to work to make your family one again.

  1. He says he wants to

If your husband says he wants to come back and work things out, this shows that you’re not alone! This typically happens during separation when both parties have had time to think, communicate, and understand what they want from each other.

  1. He mentions you when he talks about the future

When he talks about the future and includes you, this may show that he doesn’t want to exclude you from his life completely. It may mean that he still cherishes your union and hopes that you, too, make it through this difficult time and stick together.

  1. He starts getting close again

If your spouse starts getting close again – calling, texting, making an effort to see you – it might mean he is still very interested. Your ex-husband’s desire to see you can be a positive sign, so stay open-minded and see how you can turn this around for a good outcome.

  1. He asks for help on how to make it work

When your husband asks for help on how to reconcile during separation, then it means that he’s putting in the work just like you are. This is where you show that you are putting in the effort, meet him in the middle, and make it happen. Doing this goes a long way in reconciliation because both parties feel wanted and more motivated.

  1. He says he loves you

Breakups or separation can be tough on the affection and love that you and your husband share. If your husband says that he still loves you, then there’s a chance that you can still reconcile.

  1. He checks up on you

If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t check up on you or contact you to see how you were. This man might have been your best friend at some point, so it’s not easy to throw those feelings aside. When he reaches out to speak to you and sees how you’re doing, this likely means that he still cares deeply for you and may want to return.

  1. He still calls you endearing names 

In truth, there’s some possibility that your ex-partner would reconsider getting back together if he still calls you some of the names he used while you were together. Again, there are various reasons why relationships end, so this isn’t definitive.

Relationship nicknames indicate that he still feels strongly connected to you and hasn’t fully moved on.

  1. He brings up good old memories you shared

It’s easy to let negative emotions creep up and make you forget all the good times you shared. When your husband brings up old memories from when you were happy, it shows that he thinks about those times a lot and misses what you had. This is good news because there might still be a chance that he wants things to return to how they were when you were happily married.

Should I contact my husband during our separation?

It might be hard to decide whether you should communicate with your husband during separation. On the one hand, you need to give him time to breathe and think. On the other, communicating is essential to rekindle your lost bond.

After giving him some time, you both need to commit to honest and open communication. This is the best way and your best chance of getting through a separation time on good terms.

The misunderstandings, false accusations, and “blame games” that often arise during separations may be avoided with effective communication.

You must maintain cordial communication if the separation intends to mend the marriage and both spouses agree. When emotions are running high, that might be difficult in many situations.

Here are 5 ways to properly communicate during separation:

  1. Set Boundaries and Guidelines 

Whether you have just split or been divorced for some time, you first need to set boundaries and guidelines. Discuss with your spouse how much communication, how often, and what topics you will discuss. You’ll also need to agree on what topics are out of bounds and off the table. Keep your goals in mind and confront the problems head-on.

Clear communication will help remove any ambiguity and uncertainty on either side. Additionally, include this communication policy in a more comprehensive action plan for the separation. What are your goals for this time now that you are separated? Is it to reconcile, divorce amicably, or figure out complex details like child support?

Negotiate how much time it may take, where you’ll meet up to communicate, and how much time you’ll need apart. You’ll also need to conduct yourselves respectfully during these conversations, including what you share on social media.

  1. Be an Active Listener

It’s easy to make this communication process all about you. After all, you’ve got plenty to get off your chest too. This is the time to be an active listener, not someone who listens to respond but someone who listens to change and understand. Don’t do all the talking and allow your husband to express himself.

  1. Be an Honest Speaker

When it’s time for you to share your thoughts, speak honestly but ensure that you pay attention to your tone and demeanor – don’t intentionally say things to hurt your husband. This brings a lot of unnecessary baggage into this platform that’s supposed to be a safe place to express yourselves. Make it a genuine give-and-take conversation.

  1. Be Consistent

Simply put, saving your marriage requires a lot of effort. Once you and your partner have established your boundaries and guideline of communication, stick with them. Try your best to stay committed and give it you’re all. This will show your partner that you’re committed to overcoming this difficult phase and give them a good reason to keep fighting.

  1. Bring in a Mediator

Your mediator should be a neutral third party committed to helping your mutual agreement work out. They can help steer things into a more positive space when you hit a roadblock during conversations.

If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you?

The best thing you can do in a failing separation is to recognize when things are truly over. You’ll find advice on how to know if your breakup is final in this recent article I shared.

Here are 10 signs your ex is truly done with you and may never come back to you.

  1. His new relationship sticks around
  2. You’re still blocked on social media
  3. Your interactions have reduced to basic politeness
  4. Dwindling communication
  5. Sex continues but no commitment
  6. They keep canceling meetings
  7. He returns your belongings
  8. He completely moves out with all his belongings
  9. He does not care about your love life
  10. He avoids physical contact or being around you any more than necessary

How long should I wait for my husband to come back?

No universal timeline states how long you should wait for your husband. This number will vary based on what caused the separation, how much time you both need to heal, and how much effort you’re both putting in.

At some point, you might even get tired of waiting and wonder if you should still wait for your husband or move on with your life.

I hear you, and it is completely normal to feel this way.

If you two are still invested in this marriage and doing the work to get things right, I say wait as long as possible to make it happen. 

But sometimes, there are clear tell-tale signs the marriage just can’t be revived. In my recent article, I share 35 major signs to tell when your marriage is over.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

If things seem one-sided or rapidly declining, you’ll need to assess your entire situation and marriage and decide for yourself when it’s time to cut ties and move on with your life.

Some people wait six months, some wait a year, and others wait a lifetime. It’s up to you to decide what is best for you and how much your heart and mind can take.

Did my husband leave me for another woman?

It might be impossible to know for sure if your husband left you for another woman unless he tells you.

However, there are some signs to look for:

  1. He began spending more time away from home before leaving
  2. He became more secretive with his phone and/or computer
  3. You noticed large amounts of money being charged or taken from an ATM
  4. You see a lot of calls or texts on the phone bill to a number you don’t recognize

You may never really know if your husband left you for someone else unless he tells you or you find out. While there is no excusing infidelity, there are many reasons your ex-husband may have left you for another woman.

One of the most common reasons is poor marital sex life.

Communicating with your partner is the best way to confirm if he truly left you for another woman. Even if he did, try not to let this affect your self-worth and self-esteem.

That being said, most men who cheat don’t cheat for the actual sex. They cheat because they weren’t feeling wanted, or desired, or having their emotional intimacy needs met.

How do I get my husband to regret leaving me for another woman?

The following are the best tips and strategies to get a husband who has left his wife for another woman to regret his choice:

  1. Keep your distance
  2. Embrace positive changes in yourself and be happy
  3. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually
  4. Live your life to the fullest
  5. Forgive him and move on
  6. Get back to doing hobbies that bring you joy
  7. Reconnect with friends and family that may have gone on the back burner
  8. Start dating again

Ultimately, it’s not about begging him to come back.

That just makes you look weak and pathetic. It’s about moving on with your life (even if you’re dying on the inside) and making it appear that you couldn’t be happier and are living your best life.

As Coach Corey Wayne says, “the quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours”.

So spend time with family and friends. Get back to your hobbies and things that bring you joy. It may feel a bit forced at first, but it will eventually feel natural.

And he’ll get a word through the grapevine that you’re doing great, and that may pique his interest.

And eventually, as the honeymoon of his affair or rebound wears off, he’ll begin to remember all the great times you had, and he’ll see you moving on and may start to regret his choice.

But don’t make those changes for him; after all, they may not work. Instead, make them for you. And even if you don’t attract him back, you’re setting yourself up for success with your next relationship.

Conclusion

A good percentage of couples that get separated eventually get back together.

You can assess your relationship with your husband and determine whether he will return to you. How he treats you, communicates, and addresses your separation will tell you much about how things will end.

When you are separated, take this time to understand what happened to your relationship and work hard to understand your husband’s perspective.

You can make your husband miss you and return to you by becoming a better version of yourself and showing that you’re willing to move things forward. Will your husband ever come back? I can’t predict the future but putting in the effort and developing yourself goes a long way to making that happen.

Good luck to you!

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